It Just Happened
by YB Fan
Summary: "I don't know. It just happened." Those words were the honest truth. Izaya pretends to be afraid of Shizuo, unprepared for the consequences. Shizaya.
1. Prologue

This is a story of a twisted relationship.

This is a story –

Of love twisted into hatred –

And hatred twisted into love.

… …

… …

… …

"I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING PAY UP, DIDN'T I?!"

"V-Vending machine?!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"WAHHHHHHHHH! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

"Please don't hurt him!"

A woman was sobbing despairingly in front of the Monster of Ikebukuro.

"Akira…Akira has been working so hard-right dear-"

A gasp left her lips as the man turned and ran.

"Akira?! Akira where are you going?!"

"He's getting away."

Tom observed with a sigh.

"Tom-san, if I may…"

"Sure, just don't kill him okay?"

Shizuo didn't reply, merely put down the vending machine, then dashed off after the man.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING COWARD!"

The man ran and ran, but he was no match for Shizuo, who was used to chasing someone who could run much faster than him.

He gasped as he was yanked back by the collar, and was met with a furious expression on the Monster of Ikebukuro's face.

"I hate violence. I don't want to use it if I can help it, and since you have a woman, you better stop running away like A FUCKING COWARD AND COME BACK AND PAY YOUR FUCKING DEBT, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

Fierce brown eyes from behind sunglasses glared at the man as if their owner was ready to kill him on the spot.

"Y-YES!"

The man's voice was shrill in fright.

"Good."

Shizuo exhaled. He turned and dragged the man back to where his colleagues and the woman were.

"Akira!"

The woman gasped, rushing to the man.

"Akira! Are you alright?! Why did you run away?!"

"I was scared…!"

The man sobbed, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm sorry!"

"Oh it's alright dear. I know you did what was best, we'll get through this together!"

"Kimiko…"

"All's well that ends well."

Tom commented with a smile as he extended his hand.

"Now will you pay up?"

The man nodded miserably, still looking at Shizuo in fear.

"Let me go! You bitch-"

A blonde woman turned and slammed the man's head hard against the wall, knocking him out. With the man now unconscious, she picked him up by the back of his shirt and dragged him along to where her colleagues were.

"The retrieval of his accomplice is complete. Regret I feel for Tanaka-sempai has not allowed me to exterminate him, to prevent him from escape, however an unconscious body will suit our purpose, I declare."

"Ah..."

Tom blinked. He gave a smile.

"Though that was a little violent, it's good that you captured him, Vorona."

Vorona gave a nod, and dropped the man's body.

Shizuo was glad that he was not the only one who had to use violence, which meant that it was necessary for the situation.

Because he hated violence, and he especially hated the one who made him use it -

"Haha! Ahahahaha!"

…

The air suddenly stank to Shizuo.

It had stunk before, but he had thought it was some trash from the nearby alleyway.

"Ahhh, I was just walking along, watching my beloved humans, and who should I encounter but a monster amongst them?"

The cigarette between Shizuo's lips bent in half.

"That man was so desperate you know, he was so scared, that expression on his face was gorgeous!"

That voice which grated on his nerves continued, and Shizuo's patience snapped in half like the cigarette.

"And that was when a monster grabbed him-"

The cigarette fell to the ground.

"IZA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Shizuo grabbed the vending machine he had put down before, eyes flashing with rage behind his sunglasses.

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO DIDN'T I?!"

"So it's a vending machine again this time?"

A black haired male wearing a coat with fur trimmed on its edges smirked, eyes glinting at the enraged man in a bartender suit.

Shizuo was so angry that he could only get one word out.

"Tom-san."

"Ah."

Tom said. He sighed, but waved a hand.

"Go ahead, Vorona and I can handle this from here. Right, Vorona?"

"…Affirmative."

Vorona shook herself out from her excitement at seeing such strength from the man she had sworn to kill. Had she not had such control over herself, her body would have been trembling in anticipation.

"Thanks."

People watched and gasped in fright as a vending machine flew through the air, and a loud yell pierced the air –

"IIZAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAA!"

Izaya dodged it easily, laughed, then turned and ran.

"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING FLEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Sorry Shizu-chan, but I'm not a masochist, I don't want to be hurt by such a beast."

As he said this, Izaya tossed an evil grin over his shoulder. He flipped onto the signpost thrown at him and using it as leverage, used it to leap up to a telephone pole – and jumped to the next one before Shizuo could tear it down.

"STOP HOPPING LIKE A FLEA YOU FUCKING FLEA!"

"Maybe I will, if you stop rampaging like a monster!"

Izaya laughed as he jumped down to the ground, narrowly missing the vending machine thrown so hard it dismantled the telephone pole, causing it to crash onto the ground amidst frightened screams -

But Izaya's attention was not on his humans - not when there was a monster chasing him.

"But that's impossible for Shizu-chan, right?"

He laughed as he tore through the crowd which dispersed for him, with the monster in hot pursuit.

Screams of fear resounded in the air as people scrambled to get out of the way of the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro.

"I-ZAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAA! STOP RUNNING AWAY AND LET ME KILL YOU! THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT – APPEARING IN FRONT OF ME AND MAKING ME USE THIS VIOLENCE I HATE?!"

"Maybe in Shizu-chan's dreams."

As he said these taunting words meant to enrage the monster of Ikebukuro further, Izaya threw a knife and backflipped onto the wall of a building. He gave a taunting smirk to match his words, then spun on his centre of gravity with his foot, and ran up the wall.

Shizuo charged up the wall with the parkour skills he had learned by chasing the man whom he had deemed as a flea –

"YOU DIE TODAY, IZAYAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Izaya howled with laughter as he jumped from building to building, running too fast for the monster behind him to catch. He looked down, and jumped off, landing on a traffic light and causing surprised gasps. He gave a grin to the humans he loved, before he heard a yell of his name and quickly leapt off, dashing across the road as the green light was flashing.

He laughed in amusement as Shizuo chased after him – and the vehicles on the road screeched to a halt -

"Hey Shizu-chan, even cars which cause so much accidents are scared of a monster like you! Shizu-chan really is a monster after all! Everyone and everything fears him!"

"EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU!"

Shizuo yelled, ripping off a signpost from the ground with one hand. He grinned crazily.

SO GET BACK HERE SO I CAN ERASE YOUR SHITTY EXISTENCE FROM IKEBUKURO!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya grinned widely, snickering as he dashed through the streets of Ikebukuro.

"Then doesn't that mean if Shizu-chan kills me he'll become a real monster?! HOW AMUSING THAT WOULD BE! Maybe I should just let Shizu-chan kill me? HAHAHAHA! But that wouldn't be any fun at all!"

"YES YOU HAVE FINALLY COME TO YOUR FUCKING SENSES SO STOP FLEEING LIKE A SHITTY FLEA AND LET ME KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU HUH, IZAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?"

As Izaya sidestepped another vending machine, a thought came to him:

_ - Even though I'm not going to let a monster kill me, what would happen if everyone feared him?_

_- Shizu-chan said I'm the only one who doesn't fear him…_

An excited grin was on Izaya's face as he flung knives, which sliced through the metal of the signpost thrown at him and headed towards the monster, who caught them and crushed them in brutal hands-

Hand, since Shizuo's other hand was already occupied by another signpost, and Izaya smirked in amusement at the "WARNING" sign.

It didn't take long for that "WARNING" sign to fly through the air.

Izaya dodged it, and continued running away, grinning in barely suppressed, twisted excitement as he allowed the new idea to form in his mind.

"Iiiii-ZAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

- _What would happen, indeed…_


	2. Boredom is the Devil's Workshop

**.**

**.**

**.**

**CHAPTER 1**

**BOREDOM IS THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP**

**.**

**.**

**. **

**Somewhere in Ikebukuro**

.

.

.

"So, the next one's this man who works in a game store. Hm, I don't think he's that bad of a guy, so try to go easy on him. He isn't dangerous."

These words were said to the dangerous duo behind him.

"Easy…show mercy. Procession complete…mercy justified."

Vorona's face had her usual emotionless expression and only the blinking of her blue eyes indicated she had just spoken.

"That's good to hear, Vorona."

Tom said, used to the Caucasian woman's strange way of speaking. He turned to his other kouhai.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah…."

"You okay, Shizuo?"

"Yeah."

Shizuo said in the same distracted tone. He sniffed.

"Just, something stinks."

"Ahhh…."

Tom said, smiling wryly.

"I see…"

Vorona's nose wrinkled.

"To process any scent, I am unable."

"Neither am I. But anyway-"

"…!"

"…Shizuo?"

Feeling an angry aura coming from the blond man, Tom turned, following Shizuo's gaze.

_Oh man…_

Tom thought, for there, walking amongst the crowd, was Orihara Izaya.

"Tom-san. Pardon me, but I have to go and get rid of the bad smell."

Shizuo's voice was unnaturally calm as he pushed his sunglasses up. His tone to his sempai was polite and respectful, but it was without a question.

But some would say it was scarier seeing the personification of violence speaking calmly than yelling like a beast.

"Admirable it is, for Shizuo-sempai to recognize his prey by scent. To master such a useful technique, I am lacking."

Vorona did not seem to be aware of the dangerous aura around Shizuo, but inside, she was shivering with excitement at Shizuo's killing intent. Shizuo was unaware of this as he was unknowing of her identity as the woman whom he had wanted to crush the helmet of.

And because his gaze was zeroed in on the man he had deemed as the flea, whom the masked woman who had attacked him with a knife had reminded him of.

Vorona had deduced such with the information Shizuo had given her about Orihara Izaya.

"Vorona…"

Tom sighed.

"Yeah. It's not that I want to smell him, but he's such an annoying, stinky, shitty flea…"

Those were the last coherent words, for it seemed Shizuo could no longer control his anger. He snatched the cigarette away from his lips and crushed it under his foot.

"Tom-san…"

Shizuo managed with only spikes of held back anger in his still calm tone.

"Sure, sure…"

And with that Shizuo was gone, his calm façade shattered by a bellow of the name that had resounded in the streets of Ikebukuro for continuing years.

"I-ZAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Tom just shook his head, a hand to his forehead.

"He really hates that guy, huh?"

As she watched Shizuo disappear into the distance, Vorona responded.

"Affirmative."

Her voice would have been emotionless had it not held the slightest bit of envy.

… …

… …

… …

Panic swirled in screams in the air as they heard the Monster of Ikebukuro's familiar roar.

"Iiii-ZAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"It's Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo's HERE!"

The people in the crowd scattered in fright as if they were facing an army and not a single man, leaving a single man in the blond man's view.

"How many times…"

There was no vending machine or signpost nearby, but he was standing next to a guardrail, and creaking sounds of impending danger sounded as Shizuo lifted the heavy metal into his hands -

"HAVE I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO, FUCKING FLEAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!"

The sound of metal being ripped resounded in the air, and a grin was on the man in the bartender suit's face as he held the heavy metal as if it was a weapon.

"HUH, IZA-YAAAAAAA?!"

As if in slow motion, the black haired man turned. He blinked, and Shizuo was about to throw the heavy metal that could kill a person at him, when a yell froze him in his tracks.

"Get away from me!"

"…Huh?"

Shizuo's brain stopped working for a moment.

But it soon started working again, for that anger was soon filling him again -

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!"

Shizuo yelled back, glaring at Izaya who was not behaving like Izaya –

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE, BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS…ALWAYS….! SO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND DIE ALREADY!"

"I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Izaya screamed back, stepping rapidly back away from Shizuo.

"YOU MONSTER!"

"….."

The guardrail fell from Shizuo's hands as he saw an emotion he never thought he would see in the flea's expression -

Fear.

It was so unbelievable that Shizuo took his sunglasses off and stared into Izaya's face again.

Fear. It was still there.

"I don't want to die, so just stop chasing me already! You're just a monster whom everyone is afraid of!"

Those words jolted Shizuo from his stunned state. Anger the likes of he had never felt before and something else he could not recognize consumed him -

"SHUT UP!"

If looks could kill, Izaya would be a bloody splat on the floor. Unfortunately for Shizuo, that 0.00000000000000000000675% chance of being able to kill someone with looks was not working at the moment.

"YOU FUCKING FLEA!"

He snatched up the guardrail and threw it with a yell of rage. Izaya dodged it and it hit the telephone pole behind the black haired male, causing it to rattle and be uprooted from the ground, swaying as it was unbalanced from its centre of gravity -

Izaya was staring at Shizuo in fear, so Shizuo didn't notice the impending incident until he tore his gaze away from the flea's face in irritation and caught sight of the unstable telephone pole –

"Oi, Izaya!"

"Huh?"

Had Shizuo's reaction been quicker, had Izaya been aware of the danger, perhaps the following incident would not have happened –

For before he could even think, Shizuo was rushing towards Izaya and the falling metal telephone pole –

And Izaya was looking up with wide eyes, his body moving away –

But having been paying attention to each other, their reactions were too slow, Shizuo moved fast enough to take the brunt of the impact on his head, shoving Izaya out of the way, but the metal still impacted Izaya's wrist, and he was too caught off guard to prevent a cry of pain, as the metal wires sliced his skin.

Izaya fell onto the ground, and Shizuo pushed one hand against the telephone pole, as blood trailed down from the wound on his head, in rivulets down his face.

The telephone pole falling had caused a domino effect, causing the other telephone poles connected to it to collapse, inciting screams of panic as people fled to avoid the falling metal structures.

But Shizuo was not aware of the accident he had created. He was not aware when the telephone pole behind him crashed against the back of his head, causing blood to pour out. All he was aware of was the fallen figure on the ground.

"Are…you okay?"

It was the only thing he could think of to say.

Groaning in pain, Izaya stumbled shakily to his feet, clutching his bruised wrist, blood leaking from the wounds on his arms. He exhaled heavily.

"I think…my wrist is broken."

The telephone pole couldn't seem to stand back in its original position, so Shizuo let it fall and crash onto the ground. He walked towards Izaya, causing the telephone pole that had crashed into the back of his head to fall over the other telephone pole, as he held out his hand.

"Let…me see it."

"NO!"

Izaya screamed so loud Shizuo's foot froze in mid-step. He backed away from Shizuo, eyes wide.

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY, DIDN'T I?! Didn't I, Heiwajima Shizuo?!"

Shizuo's hand dropped.

"Izaya…"

Izaya gave a dry laugh, a pained grimace on his features.

"You unpredictable monster…would you even look at yourself – you just got hit on the head and you're not affected at all! There's so much blood on your face! Disgusting."

Izaya spat, his eyes narrowing further with his next words-

"You look like a real monster!"

Shizuo turned his head to avoid Izaya's accusing gaze, and promptly found himself staring back at him from a shop window.

Izaya was right. His head was injured pretty badly, and blood was dripping down, down his face and onto the ground. He had taken his sunglasses off, and his wide brown eyes stared back at him in surprise.

_I…really look like a monster,_ He raised his hand, placing his hand on the wound on his head – _Just how hard did that metal hit my head?_

Shizuo turned, to look at the flea, who was clutching his injured wrist with a grimace on his features.

"Izaya-"

Izaya snapped his gaze to him, giving him a cold look that squeezed something inside Shizuo's chest.

"Don't. I'm leaving. Don't you dare come chasing after me, Heiwajima Shizuo."

Cradling his wrist, Izaya sprinted away, leaving Shizuo alone with his own monstrous reflection.

Blood dripped onto the floor silently.

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip…_

… …

… …

… …

**Twenty minutes later, outside an upscale apartment building on Kawagoe Highway**

**… …**

**… …**

**… …**

"Ahhh…he just had to knock down that telephone pole, didn't he?"

Izaya muttered to himself as he waited for the door in front of him to open.

"Well, at least I wasn't hit by that guardrail."

A slow grin crossed Izaya's lips.

"Which Shizu-chan threw at me. Ah but then afterwards, he rushed to…save me."

Silence reigned the air for a moment before it was broken by the informant's laughter.

"Haha. HAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya laughed, laughed and laughed even though it made the pain worse, his laughter making his eyes so small they looked like mere slits gleaming with malevolent amusement.

"Ahhhh…"

Izaya chuckled, a grin on cruel lips.

"So unpredictable you are, Shizu-chan. You really don't want to be a monster, eh?"

"But if me being scared of you caused you so much guilt that you rushed to save your enemy…what if I continued this little entertaining act? What would it make you do…Shizu-chan?"

As he voiced his thoughts to no one but himself, a devious smile crept across the beautiful, cruel features of Izaya's face as the information broker's eyes glinted with unhidden malice.

"Even though I let my guard down and got hurt…it goes well for the plan. Because I got hurt…it makes it even more real, huh? And it makes Shizu-chan feel even more bad!"

Izaya smiled to himself, so excited by his new plan involving the unpredictable monster that the pain in his wrist seemed to fade away as his nerves tingled with excitement. This tingling sensation escalated to the point that laughter escaped his cruel lips at the thought of causing the monster grief.

"Hahahaha! Ahahaha! This will be fun! This will be so FUN!"

As Izaya was laughing to himself, the door in front of him opened.

"Sorry for the wait-Izaya?"

"Hey Shinra, I need you to take care of an injury for me."

If it had been anyone but Shinra, they would have found it eerie how Izaya could just stop his genuine laughter at the opening of the door -

And the sight of his only friend.

"What happened? Did a gang cut you with metal wires?"

"Something like that."

Izaya smiled mysteriously as if he and Shinra were still in middle school and he had just come in late to class with cuts all over his arms.

Even Shinra never suspected his injuries could be Shizuo's fault. Which meant that it would be an even greater shock for Shizuo.

Izaya grinned gleefully.

"For someone injured, you sure look happy. Well, come in."

"Is Celty in?"

"If she was I wouldn't even be letting you into the house."

Shinra said. He sighed, but soon brightened.

"She's out on a job…ahhh I miss my lovely Celty! When she comes back, I'm going to give her a lovey-dovey kiss-"

"You can't kiss a headless woman."

Izaya interrupted casually with practiced exasperation.

But Shinra was undeterred.

"I can! I can kiss her on the neck, on her perfect sexy shoulders-"

"Right, right…"

Izaya flexed his wrist as he plopped down onto the couch, grimacing slightly as pain shot through him.

"Anyway, I think my wrist is broken."

"Hm? Well let me take a look."

…

…

…

"So?"

"You're lucky, it isn't broken."

Shinra diagnosed and Izaya couldn't help the little exhale of relief.

"It's heavily bruised though. If the metal object had hit just a little harder, it would have broken your wrist."

"That's good."

Izaya said. Although it suited his plan, it would have been troublesome to do his work and type with a broken wrist. That was pain and tedium he had not been looking forward to.

"Yeah. I'll still have to treat it of course, and those cuts on your arms too. Or they'll get infected."

"Sure."

**… A few minutes later …  
-**

"So…"

"Hm? Ow-"

Izaya half grimaced, half smiled as Shinra dabbed on his wound.

"Not so hard."

"Don't pretend you're scared of a little pain."

Shinra spoke wryly as he applied antiseptic to the cut on Izaya's arm.

"If you were you wouldn't be provoking Shizuo."

"Well, it's not like Shizu-chan can actually hurt me."

"Then, what is this?"

Shinra poked at the purplish-black bruise on Izaya's wrist, causing the information broker to grimace.

"Ahhh…"

An amused smile was on Izaya's pained features.

"Who said it's from Shizu-chan?"

"Well I don't know, but you look happy, like you wanted Shizuo to hurt you. Actually I think you want Shizuo to hurt you, that's why you keep on making him mad, right? Doing things like taunting him, framing him and even sending a little girl after him, telling her he's an assassin…do you know how mad he was at that? I even feared for my life!"

Izaya watched in bemusement as Shinra shivered in fear at the bad memory, briefly wishing he could have been there.

"Even the Yakuza you work for are wary of him since he's the Strongest Man in Ikebukuro…"

Shinra sighed, pushing up his glasses.

"Well, I had always thought you were a masochist."

"Even those shady people from Russia. I heard he knocked the "Killing Monster" and the "Killing Machine" who's the seventh deadliest assassin in Russia out. With a bench. At the same time."

Izaya added helpful information to Shinra's description of the fearsome Monster of Ikebukuro, as if he was a normal resident of Ikebukuro speaking from rumours he had heard.

"And, he has the Crow wanting to kill him. It's quite a humorous story, really. That she thinks she's any match for Shizu-chan. I'm actually eager to see that battle play out."

As his narrowed eyes glinted with malicious intent, Izaya smirked as if he had already had a plan for the vision in his head.

"Yes, only you would find such dangerous people funny."

Shinra smiled as he dabbed more on Izaya's wound, as Izaya seemed to be thinking of another of his potential plans so gleefully that he didn't feel the pain anymore.

"Well, don't expect me to come to your funeral when you finally get killed by Shizuo."

"You hurt me, Shinra-"

"Shinra."

The subject of the conversation entered the scene.

"I hit my head pretty hard, so I think it's bleeding. Well that's what I saw in that shop window anyway, so could you-"

A pregnant pause filled the air.

"…Izaya?"

Izaya had to bite his lip from keeping the customary "Shizu-chan" to escape.

"…Uh…"

Sweat was beading on Shinra's forehead.

"Shizuo…this is kind of a bad time, as you can see. Could you come back later?"

Mentally, he prepared to mourn the loss of another one of his furniture – there was no way Shizuo would back down when Izaya was in sight.

Yes, his furniture being destroyed was more important than Izaya being badly hurt or even dead – for Shinra had no interest in humans at all.

But that is a story for another time.

Shinra inched slowly away from Izaya, for the human being, "Kishitani Shinra", was the one loved by the only being he was interested in and loved.

"Well…."

Shinra said as Izaya and Shizuo seemed to still be staring at each other. He didn't even dare to put down the cotton wool as he stood up from the couch.

"I'll just be taking my leave now…..…please try not to destroy everything, okay?"

"Izaya."

Shizuo said as if Shinra wasn't even there. He took a step forward.

And that was when Shinra got the shock of his life –

As Izaya screamed at Shizuo –

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Shinra was surprised his mouth was the only one which had fallen open, as Shizuo just looked surprised, before anger took away any softness in his features.

"Now listen here you stinky FLEA!"

Shizuo seemed to be controlling himself to keep his volume to a minimum.

"I don't know why you're pulling this shit on me but I saved your fucking life back there for some damn reason I don't even know so the LEAST YOU COULD DO IS SHOW SOME FUCKING GRATITUDE!"

"And who was the one whom almost caused my death in the first place? If you hadn't thrown that stupid guardrail I wouldn't have been hurt! And I told you not to follow me, didn't I!?"

"I DIDN'T FOLLOW YOU!"

Veins were beginning to throb in Shizuo's temple.

"I came here for treatment, damn it! I'm bleeding pretty badly, AREN'T I?!"

As the man in a bartender suit spoke, he jabbed a finger at the blood spilling from his forehead, brown eyes flashing with barely restrained anger.

"Shut up! You're nothing but a monster, you don't need treatment! Right Shinra?!"

Despite their previous conversation, Izaya did not seem to be aware of how one should fear and not antagonize Heiwajima Shizuo –

Especially when he was on the verge of snapping.

"E-Eh? Uh…Shizuo's body seems to be indestructible…?"

It was all Shinra could manage at the impossible scene in front of him –

Of Izaya being afraid of Shizuo.

"YOU…"

Shizuo was so angry his shoulders were almost trembling as he took heavy steps forward, the blood on his face matching his dangerous aura –

"FUCKING FLEA…"

"Don't you dare come any closer!"

Izaya backed away until his back was pressed against the couch.

"Shinra! Get him away from me!"

"Ah…I can't do that…..I don't have a death wish, unlike you."

Shinra spoke the words nervously, as if he was hoping they wouldn't draw Shizuo's attention to him.

Izaya whimpered, and clung to the couch as if it would protect him from the monster in front of him, as if he was a child whom had just realized the monster under his bed was real.

"Don't…come any closer…"

Shizuo stared as Izaya buried his face in the couch, and hated it, hated the little whimpering noises the flea was producing because damn it- how could he attack- much less kill someone so defenceless?

"Uh Izaya…..Are you…okay?"

Even Shinra sounded concerned.

"Izaya."

Shizuo made his voice soft, but it only seemed to make Izaya panic even more.

"NO!"

The information broker yelled, squeezing his eyes shut, as his body trembled –

"Shut up! I hate you! Don't come near me again!"

"…Fine."

Shizuo said calmly. His eyes flashed angrily, his fist clenched so hard it made cuts in his indestructible skin.

"Fine! I don't know why the fuck you're acting this way, shitty flea, but I'm not like you, and I would never hurt someone so pathetic and defenceless!"

With those words Shizuo stomped off, and the door slammed loudly behind him – followed by a crash which told Shinra he had to replace his door. Again. He mentally noted to charge Izaya more this time for this situation was all his fault.

He looked to Izaya, whose shoulders were shaking. "Uh Izaya…"

Shinra said cautiously to the unstable informant, as if he was a mentally deficient patient.

"Are you…alright?"

- _He's not crying, is he?_

_Nah, impossible…_

_Right?_

Shinra backed away, for Izaya seemed as if he would throw himself onto him and sob onto his shoulder –

And only Celty had that privilege, not that she took it…

And then Izaya spoke:

"Ahhhh…it was worth it, observing those fearful humans…"

"…Eh?"

Izaya's shoulders trembled even more, and that was when Shinra realized he wasn't crying –

He was laughing.

"Hahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya let go of the couch, leaning forward and clutching his stomach, laughing so hard Shinra thought he would choke on his own breath and die.

"Uh…Izaya?"

- _Did Izaya accidentally take that medicine I was developing to help with that female client's mood swings?_

_- If so, since he's a man, it must have had an adverse effect on his system…_

_Then…does that mean he's going to have mood swings now? Like a pregnant woman?!_

It was such a disturbing thought that Shinra almost wailed and wished that Celty was there with him instead of this abnormal, potentially drugged Izaya.

"Eh Izaya….you didn't accidentally take like, a little red and pink pill…did you?"

"What…red and pink pill?"

Izaya giggled, and Shinra was the one choking on his own breath.

_I'm sorry Celty, I wish I could have seen you one last time before my untimely death...I always wanted to die in your arms..._

Shinra thought mournfully as he coughed and hacked as if he was suffocating in thin air.

"If you have something like that Shinra, I'd gladly take it, it's so hard to pretend to be afraid!"

The words were so surprising Shinra's throat stopped moving. Then slight nausea reached him and he coughed a few times, before staring incredulously at Izaya.

"…You were pretending?"

Internally, Shinra mentally thanked the Gods of Ikebukuro whom had brought Celty to him that Izaya hadn't touched that little, dangerous pill for men. If not, he would have to spend time making an antidote to something that wasn't even supposed to have an antidote, which meant less time away from his beloved Celty -

"Did you think it was real?"

- Whom he wouldn't have to leave after all!

Izaya gave a taunting smirk, and Shinra felt relief flood his being.

He had never been so glad to see Izaya.

"You did? Hm, that must mean my acting skills are excellent, huh?"

Izaya laughed, throwing his arm over the back of the couch.

"I expected to fool that protozoan, but to fool even you! It was so troublesome, you know? I didn't even expect him to come bursting in, I guess my words really had an effect on him, huh?"

"Haha…Hahaha…HAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya threw his head back and howled his laughter to the air. If he had been in his office, Shinra could imagine him spinning around in his swivel chair.

"Ahhh Shizu-chan…if you continue acting this way, being affected by mere words, I might even be able to love you as a human!"

"Finally, your unpredictability is acting according to my plans!"

"…You're playing a dangerous game, Izaya. Shizuo isn't going to just kill you when he finds out. He's going to murder you, tear you apart and scatter your intestines into Tokyo Bay."

Shinra said the words with a wry smile, giving the false impression that he cared whether Izaya lived or died.

"That is, if he can even catch me. If I don't want him to, he can never catch me. And why would I ever want him to?"

Izaya smirked as he spoke, fluttering feminine eyelashes an evil man like him shouldn't even have, as if the monster was right in front of him.

"Right…"

Even Shinra could not help but feel resigned.

Izaya smiled widely and turned to him with so much malice in his eyes that Shinra almost felt pity for the Monster of Ikebukuro.

"Hey Shinra, even though my wrist isn't broken…can you give me a cast?"

… …

… …

… …

Shizuo was acting strange.

He was being silent.

So silent that Tom was almost glad when Shizuo finally snapped and yelled at the people whom had to pay up their debts.

But strangely, he wasn't as violent as usual.

There weren't as many public property flying through the air in Ikebukuro.

Tom knew why, for a strange, out of the world scene had been happening the past few days:

Orihara Izaya had shown fear towards Heiwajima Shizuo.

Shizuo would yell the usual words:

"How many times have I told you to stay out of Ikebukuro?!"

And Izaya would _yell_ back:

"How many times have I told you to stay away from _me?!"_

And Shizuo would be silent as he watched Izaya run away from him.

Izaya's words and unusual behaviour had been taking their toll on Shizuo.

He would be so silent that even Vorona expressed her concern. He would smile when she had to extend the invitation to eat cakes and sweet desserts together, but when Tom saw him the next day, he would be deadly silent again.

And as he was silent, he seemed to be entirely unaware of everything around him, knocking into random objects and causing them to fall. He didn't seem to notice the frightened gasps either.

There was one object that he seemed to take notice of – a telephone pole. Shizuo had bumped into it and caused it to rattle, and he had raised his gaze:

And shown the most expression Tom had seen from him in the past few days:

Anger.

Tom thought for a moment that Shizuo was going to grab it and swing it around, or that Izaya was perched on top of that telephone pole, but Shizuo merely sidestepped it, and then slammed a kick into the wall nearby, causing the whole wall to crumble into pieces, and cement to come trailing onto the pavement.

"Sorry."

He had finally spoken.

"That thing brings back bad memories."

"It's…okay."

Tom had replied cautiously, as if even he was afraid of destabilizing the Monster of Ikebukuro.

Tom remembered how Izaya's wrist had been in a cast and wondered if the telephone pole was the cause of that.

But that made him confused on why Shizuo would be angry when he had finally managed to hurt the man whom he had deemed as the flea -

And why Izaya was afraid of Shizuo, when he had never been, even going so far as to provoke him to make him angry.

But Shizuo was acting strange, and being more quiet than usual. And even though Vorona always had an emotionless expression on her face, she was more talkative than she looked. But now she seemed hesitant to speak to Shizuo, whom was no doubt fond of her and would never hurt her, no matter how angry he was.

Deciding that someone had to be the sane one, Tom brushed these puzzling thoughts away.

There was so much sudden anger pouring out from Shizuo that even Vorona kept silent, not inquiring about her sempai's well being.

That was how a week passed for the debt collector trio.

.

.

.

_Chapter 1 END_


	3. Zero-Sum Game (Part I)

_**..**_

_**..**_

_**..**_

_**CHAPTER 2**_

**_ZERO-SUM GAME_**

**_*A situation in which a gain by one person or side _****_must be _****_matched by a loss by another person or side_**

**..**

**..**

**..**

The game had changed.

Orihara Izaya had changed it himself.

However, Heiwajima Shizuo was unaware of this.

Everything was going according to Izaya's plans.

Until -

A variable more unpredictable than Heiwajima Shizuo himself entered the picture.

Even the one Orihara Izaya considered the most unpredictable did not know how such an unexpected variable had made its way into the scene.

It was the one thing Heiwajima Shizuo couldn't beat –

And Orihara Izaya couldn't deal with.

That elusive thing Orihara Izaya shunned and Heiwajima Shizuo wanted but never thought he could have –

Until it appeared in his life –

In the most human part of his being.

... ...

... ...

... ...

**Near a certain debt collecting agency**

**... ...**

**... ...**

**... ...**

"Where's Vorona?"

"She's late."

Tom smiled wryly.

When another week had passed in awkward silence and anxiety, Tom decided it was time to step in.

He requested Vorona to come to work half an hour late, not wanting Shizuo to hold back his feelings because she was there.

"Ah…should we wait for her?"

Shizuo spoke distractedly, as if he didn't care, as if there was something more important on his mind.

Concerned about what could be more important than his "cute kouhai", Tom voiced the question that had been on his mind for silent days:

"What's wrong, Shizuo?"

"Eh?"

"You heard me. What's wrong? I'm not talking to you as your sempai since this isn't affecting your job, I'm talking to you as your friend. You've been acting strange, and Vorona and I are worried for you. Is there anything we can help you with?"

"I've just been thinking…"

"About what?"

"About Izaya."

"…Ah."

Tom said. It was Izaya after all.

"Are you thinking about why he's afraid of you?"

Shizuo nodded and Tom reassured him:

"Don't worry about it. Since it's him, he's probably playing it as a prank or something."

He would never know how accurate his words were for a long time.

"Really?"

Shizuo finally looked up from the ground.

"But…I hurt him."

"…Haven't you always wanted to hurt him, you know, to kill him?"

"Yeah, but…."

Shizuo scratched his head, showing the most emotion Tom had seen from him in weeks.

"I don't know. I'm confused myself. But there was this feeling…I didn't like, when he shouted at me."

"Maybe it's because he's breaking our routine by acting so weird. But I just didn't like it. He runs away from me now because he's afraid of me, not because he wants to make me angry."

"It's like…he's become like everyone else. And how can that be? The shitty flea will always be a shitty flea. That shitty flea's always been a shitty flea, hopping around like a fucking flea since forever and pissing me off, so why the hell…has that changed?"

Shizuo was clenching his fist as he spoke, but there was a look on his face that made Tom unsure whether he was angry or disappointed.

"Well I don't know. But it's Izaya. He can't be afraid of you forever, right?"

Tom said to comfort Shizuo – for regardless of what Shizuo was feeling, the man in a bartender suit looked like he needed some comfort.

"Yeah."

Shizuo said, but he didn't seem reassured.

"Right…."

Tom nodded, feeling a little glad now that he had confirmed the source of Shizuo's problems. Which was Izaya. Unsurprisingly.

Maybe Shizuo was right and everything really was Izaya's fault.

"Is there anything else on your mind?"

"…Actually."

"Yeah?"

"Nowadays…I've been feeling strange."

Shizuo raised his gaze as he said this, the anger fading away from his expression.

Tom felt relieved. Deciding it was a good kind of strange, he prompted the blond man.

"Strange?"

"Yeah, I've been feeling things I've never felt before."

"What things?"

"…I don't know how to describe it….."

Shizuo smiled, and Tom was glad to finally see Shizuo's smile.

"It's kind of embarrassing…that I don't even know how to describe my own feelings, huh? Since I feel anger most of the time…I can't really recognize other feelings well."

"Other feelings…..Well, if you can't describe them, can you at least tell me what you're thinking about?"

"Thinking about….Well, I think about this person…a lot."

"Okay…?"

"Yeah. Like, really a lot. They're always on my mind, whether I like it or not. And I always see them. And recently, they've been making me feel confused."

"Are you talking about…a woman?"

"Not a woman."

"Okay…"

"Yeah. They've been a big part of my life. Ever since I met them, they've been something new, they've never been afraid of me."

"I see."

Tom was smiling now. Regardless of what this person was to Shizuo, he was glad that they had never been afraid of him.

"Well, no wonder you think about them so much. I'm glad they're not afraid of you. What else does this person make you feel?"

"I'm not sure, like I said I can't recognize my own feelings well. But besides thinking about them a lot, they just draw my attention. I…don't know them well."

Shizuo frowned, but it was as if he was contemplating about his own confusing thoughts.

"…So recently I've found myself wondering about them, whether I will ever get to know them better…It's weird."

"Do you think about anything else?"

"Anything else…They…make my heart beat faster…I'm not sure if that counts."

"….."

"Tom-san?"

Shizuo definitely sounded like he was talking about a woman. But Shizuo wasn't one to lie…

_- Maybe he said it's not a woman for he doesn't see that girl as a woman since he's never had a girlfriend before._

_- He always sees them…they're not afraid of him…he doesn't know them well, well Shizuo doesn't know her well outside of their shared sweet tooth…_

_Then, could he be talking about Vorona? Would he tell me if he was? He knows I wouldn't tell her, right?_

_If it's Vorona, it would make sense. Shizuo doesn't see her as a woman, he doesn't look at her that way. But perhaps it's because he can't recognize his own feelings, like he said so?_

Tom mused to himself.

Because if Shizuo could get a woman who worked with him on the job and whom he liked, that would be good. For he wouldn't need to juggle between her and the job he was so dedicated to.

Tom had thought that Vorona and Shizuo looked good together. And that they fitted each other. They were both socially awkward, they both had a sweet tooth. Shizuo would smile softly, fondly at her like he did to very few people, and Vorona's face would have a little more emotion when she looked at Shizuo. They seemed to understand each other, even if neither of them was that talkative. To Tom, they were practically a match made in heaven, even though they did not seem to see it.

And they were both strong and capable of holding up on their own, Tom knew Shizuo wasn't a man who looked down on women even in their patriarchal society, and that he probably wanted an equal relationship. He wondered when the blond man would see he could find that in Vorona.

For even if she wasn't as strong as Shizuo, Vorona wasn't afraid of him. She even seemed admiring of his strength.

And if his two kouhai could be happy with each other, he, their sempai, would be happy as well.

Maybe it was selfish of him, for he wasn't even sure if Shizuo liked Vorona that way, but he wanted the man to be happy with a woman who didn't fear him.

Tom had these thoughts as he who was one of the few people whom Shizuo had known for a long time, and had the best interests of his kouhai in his mind.

However, like Shizuo, he was unaware that Vorona was the woman whom Shizuo wanted to grab that expensive-looking helmet from and crush it right in front of her eyes –

As he had declared after they spoke and closed the incident of Awakusu Akane and the Awakusu-kai, as he showed anger with the thought of someone who was not Orihara Izaya.

Tom was thus unaware of the ironic fact that the woman whom Shizuo had kicked a car towards like it was a soccer ball, whom he had told Shizuo would never show up in front of him again, had been there everyday with them in their life as debt collectors.

Nevertheless, he was still a man who had the best interests of his charges at heart.

"Are you alright, Tom-san? Did I say something wrong?"

"Ah no. I was just…..thinking…..Besides making your heart beat faster…does that person make you feel anything else?"

"Feel…"

Shizuo seemed to be murmuring to himself, as if feelings were something foreign to him.

"Like what?"

"Like, make you feel things you've never felt before. Made you feel positive emotions…"

Tom tried to describe.

But how could one describe feelings?

"Hm…."

Something seemed to pop up in Shizuo's head, as if something Tom had said had gave him a sudden realization.

"…..Well, besides making my heart beat faster, I also feel a little warm when I think about them. Which I seem to be doing a lot these days…because of something they did."

"It's funny….I'll admit it, though I'll never admit it to them, that when I think about them, I feel kind of nervous, in a way I've never felt before."

Shizuo was smiling, as if he was laughing silently at himself.

"Especially not that person. But when I see them…All that nervousness, kind of goes away and my emotions take control."

"I didn't use to feel like this around them before, but maybe I felt it but didn't notice it because they make me lose control, but anyway that's the way I've been feeling these past few days…."

"I see."

Tom contemplated on Shizuo's feelings.

_I could be just misunderstanding…but his heart beats faster, he feels warm when he thinks of them? He feels nervous? _

_And his nervousness goes away when he sees them- since it's Shizuo after all and he's an impulsive guy?_

_…He definitely sounds like he's in love._

"I kind of regret doing that to them…whatever I did, I don't know."

Shizuo said, bringing Tom out of his thoughts. His fingers curled into a fist as he lowered his gaze.

"But I never meant to make that person…..afraid of me."

…_Not Vorona then_.

Tom thought a little disappointingly.

Just who was this mystery woman?

That had Heiwajima Shizuo falling for her while not even being aware he had?

She must be a friend – a friend he was close with, if he couldn't notice his growing feelings for her.

Shizuo sounded truly regretful, and Tom knew he was telling the truth -

For the last thing Shizuo wanted was to make anyone afraid of him -

Even though so many already were.

But there was another woman, besides the ones he knew Shizuo knew, who had not been afraid of Shizuo, but was afraid of him now?

_Well, _Tom thought, _I won't get anywhere with thinking about it, since apparently Shizuo has a woman he has befriended who's not afraid of him and whom I don't know._

But first, he decided to clarify Shizuo's feelings with him:

"I know you didn't."

Tom reassured the forlorn blond man with a smile. He reached out to pat Shizuo's shoulder comfortingly.

"It's probably just a misunderstanding, and I'm sure if you talk to them, it'll be fine."

"…Talk to them…?"

Shizuo muttered as if he had never done so before. Tom withdrew his hand.

"How can I do that when they're always running away from me? When they're afraid of me now?"

"Ahhhh…"

Tom rubbed the back of his neck, wondering how to phrase what he had to say:

"Shizuo, can I be honest with you?"

"Sure, Tom-san."

"I think..."

Tom met Shizuo's curious brown eyes.

"You're in love."

"….Love?"

Shizuo said the word like a lost child.

"Yeah, love. You know, romantic love?"

Tom tried to explain the illogical feeling to the irrational man.

"It's hard to explain, but the things you told me about, about thinking about the person, and your heart beating faster…they're classic symptoms of love."

"I can't…"

There was a short silence, as if Shizuo's brain had temporarily shortcircuited and the notion of love was too much for his brain cells to compute.

"Shizuo…?"

That was the thought Tom had as he stared at the man in a bartender suit who seemed to be frozen in time.

_…Is he alright?_

"….Be in love…"

Shizuo continued, as if he himself was unaware of the unnaturally long pause between his words.

But for Tom, time seemed to start for him again.

Relieved that Shizuo had not suddenly gone brain dead, he gave the blond man a comforting smile.

"Why not? I know it's scary, since you've never been in love before. But it'll all work out, you see. If you really love that person, if you can feel so much for them, it'll be okay."

"But I've known that person for years! FUCKING YEARS! And they've always ANNOYED me so I've NEVER cared to understand them, so how the HELL CAN I BE IN LOVE?!"

Tom jolted in surprise at Shizuo's sudden outburst. But behind the anger in Shizuo's expression was confusion and what seemed to be anxiety.

Thinking Shizuo was worried about being in love, Tom voiced his honest thoughts:

"Uh…..But I can't think of any other reason. Maybe you aren't compatible with that person or you feel that way, but if they make you think of them so much, make your heart beat faster, you're definitely in love."

"….."

Shizuo stared, then sighed. He seemed to be trying to control his anger as he inhaled, then looked at Tom.

"…Let's say…..I'm in….love…."

Tom was listening carefully, as it seemed hard for Shizuo to even hypothetically speak about being in love.

"How….do I know I'm in love? How do I know what I'm feeling…..is….."

Shizuo paused suddenly, and before Tom could worry, he continued, a certain wonder and yet sense of being lost in his voice –

As if the world had suddenly turned upside down on him, and everything he saw was the same yet different.

"…..Love?"

"Even though you can't identify your feelings well….you have strong reactions towards your feelings, like your heart beats faster and you feel warm."

Tom looked at Shizuo as he told him what was common knowledge to most people – most normal people.

But Shizuo was far from normal.

As he was labelled abnormal by normal people.

Knowing Shizuo was probably not aware on the symptoms of love, Tom spoke the words to him honestly and straightforwardly, as if he knew Shizuo would appreciate honesty in his confusion.

"When even your body starts to react when you think of someone, when you start to get all nervous, that's when you know you're in love."

"…"

Tom felt sympathy for Shizuo. With his impossible strength, almost everyone feared him. Many people were not willing to get close to him. He had very few friends, much less people so close he could come to care about so greatly that he could find himself falling in love with them. Falling in love with someone whom was not scared of him, who had never been scared of him – to the extent that Shizuo was depressed when they were afraid of him.

It was probably the first time he had fallen in love.

"….It really is a shock for you, huh?"

Tom said sympathetically and Shizuo gave the slightest nod. He reached up to place a hand on Shizuo's shoulder.

"It's okay. There's no hurry. Why don't you tell me your feelings again? Just to be sure you're in love."

Even though he did not believe so, as Shizuo was acting like he was in love, unsure and uncertain, seeing Shizuo so troubled over his feelings which he did not understand, Tom decided to voice the following words.

"Who knows, maybe it's just intense friendship!"

Shizuo gave a scoff at that, but said unexpectedly:

"We didn't have a friendship."

Before Tom could comment on that, he continued:

"I really am not sure of my feelings, but I feel great emotions towards them. They make me lose control and I hate it. But then….."

Shizuo paused again, and Tom patiently waited for the blond man to analyse his own feelings.

"…..Why do I feel…this sense of…disappointment? Now that they're afraid of me? Why do I feel…. regret?"

As he spoke, Shizuo held up his hand and looked at it – as if it had hurt the person he held such complicated feelings for.

"Did this person…..Reject you?"

"Reject….."

Shizuo thought about the word.

"Reject means they pushed me away, right? …Yeah…I guess they did. I…can't even approach them without them shouting at me. Which never happened in the past, by the way."

"And…what do you feel at that?"

"…Disappointed."

Shizuo said truthfully.

"Angry, because they're not supposed to act that way. But nowadays, even the anger's faded away when it's never done so before."

"…..And I kind of just feel…this…"

"This?"

Tom encouraged, knowing how much Shizuo needed a listening ear at the moment.

"I don't know how to describe it. But I kind of feel…empty. Hollow. As if….."

Shizuo's Adam Apple bobbed as he swallowed in his throat, and he voiced his next words with a blankness Tom had never heard from him before.

"If even that person is afraid of me…maybe I really am a monster."

…

…

…

"…"

"Blaming yourself even if it may not be your fault…..Feeling empty inside without that person."

"Caring about what they said when you've never really cared about what people said about you…..Feeling self-conscious…"

As he said these words, Tom met Shizuo's eyes, even though Shizuo seemed to be looking off at someplace far away.

"Then…doesn't that mean you're in love?"

"…Maybe…."

Shizuo said distantly, as if he had only just registered Tom's words.

"Maybe I am in love with him."

"…Him?"

"…Ah."

Shizuo said as if he had just realized his mistake. He coughed.

"If it's really love, it's embarrassing…But yeah, it's a him."

- _No wonder he said it wasn't a woman!_

It suddenly became clear in Tom's mind.

"It's alright. I'm surprised you swing that way, but it's good that you've finally found someone to love, right?"

Those words were said with sincerity. Tom was truly glad for his friend. He was not a judgmental man and had nothing against homosexuals and though it was surprising Shizuo was one, he had never had a girlfriend before so Tom supposed it wasn't that surprising…even though it was because women were afraid of him.

Besides, from his descriptions, and the emotion in his voice, Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo seemed really in love with that man. He seemed in love with that person, so much that he was troubled when he had done something which made them afraid of him…

Of course, encountering people who were afraid of him was nothing new to Shizuo, but it was new that he would be actually affected by it, to the extent it would affect his state of well being for weeks.

Tom was one of the few people unafraid of Shizuo and able to deal with him. Yet he cared for the man in a bartender suit, which is why he patiently listened as Shizuo spoke about his feelings for an unknown man - even when the feelings were romantic.

"I don't think I'm gay. I've never really checked out other guys before or anything. And women are really pretty to me and arouse my interest, even though I can't touch them. And I've thought about having kids before. So I think I just love him."

Shizuo said the words with such honesty Tom could not help but smile fondly.

"Crossing even the boundary of gender, then that means you are really in love with that man. Not because he's a man, but because you love him for who he is."

"I guess. But to tell the truth, I've never loved him for who he is before, hell, I never even liked him, so it's kind of weird to find out I'm in love with him."

"….Yet, it does make sense."

Shizuo said as if to himself -

"It's frustrating, to find out that all along my strange feelings and even my anger and frustration is due to love, but relieving at the same time. Now that I know the problem, I can deal with it."

"Try not to think of it as a problem. But as a new experience. Love isn't a problem, it may be confusing, but ultimately it isn't something to frustrate yourself over."

"Impossible. Maybe with time, but seriously, that guy's always a problem. So maybe it isn't so surprising he's become my problematic love. He's become my problem as usual, just in another way."

There was a half scoff, half smirk on Shizuo's face, as if he was finding amusement at a joke only he knew.

"Right."

Shizuo nodded distractedly to Tom's affirmation, as if he seemed to be thinking about the man he had found out he was in love with.

"So…"

Tom couldn't hold back the question anymore.

"Who is this mystery man?"

"…..Ah."

Shizuo's mouth opened, as if he had just realized he had not revealed the identity of his newfound love.

"It's Izaya."

"…Sorry, I think I heard you wrongly."

Tom smiled shakily.

"I could have sworn you just said it's Izaya."

"Yeah. I did say it's Izaya."

"…."

Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fit together into Tom's mind -

-That person was always on Shizuo's mind, whether he liked it or not.

-That person always drew his attention.

-He doesn't know that person well.

-That person makes him feel strange, nervous, but his emotions take control when he actually sees them and he hates it.

-That person was always a problem.

-He has never liked that person.

-He and that person had never had a friendship.

That person has never been afraid of him…until now.

Tom was awed at Shizuo's ability to be absolutely, truthfully honest yet completely, frustratingly vague at the same time.

Shizuo definitely had his famous brother Hanejima Yuuhei's genes - Tom wouldn't be surprised if he could act. He had never felt so suspended in suspense even while watching an actual movie.

"Tom-san?"

_Maybe I shouldn't have said it was Izaya._

Shizuo thought vaguely.

_But it's Izaya, so why shouldn't I have said it was Izaya?_

_-If it's Izaya, then it's Izaya._

_- …..._

Before Shizuo could get frustrated with his own thoughts, Tom found his voice:

"Sorry, I was thinking. But Shizuo…are you sure you're in love with Izaya?"

Shizuo blinked at him owlishly, confusion in his eyes.

"Didn't you say I'm in love with Izaya?"

- _But I didn't know it was Izaya!_

Tom felt like hitting his own head for his own obliviousness when Shizuo had been so strikingly obvious.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that. Shizuo, are you sure it's_ Izaya_ you're in love with?"

Tom emphasized the name of the man Shizuo hated, as if he hoped the sound of it would bring Shizuo back to his senses.

Shizuo looked at him. He seemed to be thinking.

"I was thinking of Izaya when I said all those things. So..…it must be Izaya, right?"

The blond looked a little puzzled at his own thoughts, and Tom felt a little guilty for confusing the already confused man.

_I'm confusing him_, Tom thought, _What is it that I want to say…? When he spoke of that man, he sounded like he was in love. Shizuo's honest to a fault, so he wouldn't lie at all. And it fits his relationship with Izaya…_

_- Then, does that mean Shizuo really is in love with Izaya?!_

_- …..…Why Izaya, of all people?_

Tom wasn't a man who judged others before he knew them, which was how he came to be so good friends with the strongest man in Ikebukuro, but even he couldn't help but have that thought.

_You've always hated him, and now you're in love with him?_

_Are you sure you aren't confusing your feelings, Shizuo?_

_But maybe, you were always in love with him, and since you didn't like it, you thought you hated him?_

_….That guy will only break your heart, Shizuo. _

He knew, as Shizuo's friend, he should be telling him to confess to the man.

But as Shizuo's friend, he also knew Izaya was not a man who would accept a confession lightly, he seemed more the type to play around with the person's feelings and leaving them heartbroken.

And he would especially do it if it was Heiwajima Shizuo whom he hated.

"…Actually…"

Shizuo said, bringing Tom back into reality again –

"Feelings like these….are so confusing. It's a shock to me too, to find out I'm in love with Izaya. Tom-san is very knowledgeable about these things I'm not quite aware of, so with your advice, I can't deny it."

"….."

"I should be angry."

Shizuo seemed to be thinking seriously.

"….But for some reason, I'm not. I don't feel any anger right now. Maybe because I'm not seeing Izaya's face and hearing his shitty words. So without the shitty flea's presence, I'm free to think about him without him clouding my thoughts with anger."

There was a wry smile on Shizuo's face, the emotion behind it ambiguous to even the blond.

"Even if it's Izaya, I've never felt this way about anyone before. Since these feelings won't go away, I'll just have to confront them, won't I? I'm not a coward like that flea."

"But…I'm also glad. Things kind of make sense now."

Shizuo spoke as if it was a thought said out loud.

"Things never made sense with that flea, I want peace but he makes me use the violence I hate so much. This is kind of the first time things made sense, and when things make sense, I feel more…calm. I feel more at peace. I don't feel so angry."

Shizuo said the sentence as if it was a new realization he had about himself.

- _Shizuo…_

Even if it was Izaya, Orihara Izaya, Tom felt touched by Shizuo's honest words from his heart.

- _You're really a good guy._

_Yeah, what the heck am I doing? As his sempai and friend, I should be supporting him. _

_- Alright, alright. This is the situation. Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo is in love… with Orihara Izaya. Thus, his sempai and friend is here to give him advice on his first love._

"My bad, I was just too surprised for a moment. It's good that you're not running away from your feelings."

Tom admitted with an apologetic smile. Now that the doubt in his mind concerning Shizuo's feelings was cleared, there was no hesitation in his next words.

"But, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Why…do you think you're in love with Izaya? Besides what I said about the symptoms of love. Is there any reason you think you could be in love with him for?"

"Reason….Reason for love."

Shizuo said as he pondered on an emotion as illogical as his existence.

"I know it's kind of contradictory. Since love doesn't really happen for a reason, so perhaps you could think of…why you hold such intense feelings towards him in the first place?"

Tom suggested, wanting Shizuo to discover the reason behind his confusing feelings for the man he had been so sure he hated.

"….He accepted me."

Shizuo said after a while.

"Even though it's in a fucked up way, he still accepted me. Izaya always says I'm a monster, but he doesn't fear me and to me, that means he doesn't consider me an illogical enough existence to be feared. Because, don't people fear what they can't understand? Like people are afraid of Celty because they don't know her…..Anyway, Izaya's the first person besides Celty to do that, but Celty and I are kind of similar since we're both considered monsters."

"So, whether it's really love or not, I think that's the reason why he always drew my attention, I still can't really understand why he's not afraid of me, when he's just a shitty flea I can crush anytime. And I hate it when I can't understand things, it annoys me greatly."

"And I don't think I can change that flea's shitty ways, but maybe if we were in a relationship…"

Shizuo inhaled, and Tom could see the emotion in his eyes even behind his sunglasses. His expression seemed more relaxed.

"I could be more calm. I would be more at peace. If Izaya isn't pissing me off and making me use the violence I hate, I could be a more peaceful man. I could finally have the power…to control this cursed strength I was born with."

Tom opened his mouth to speak, but Shizuo seemed to be continuing –

"But since it's the flea he'll probably still piss me off. And I'll get mad. But if he doesn't…"

Shizuo's face was scrunched up slightly, as if he was thinking of how to phrase his words.

"….Doesn't…shun me even if he annoys me so much…maybe…"

"Maybe?"

"Maybe it means he really accepts me. And if he accepts me….accepts this strength of mine and how much of a monster I am…..…"

Shizuo said, as if he couldn't believe something like that was even possible –

"I could…perhaps…finally accept myself…this illogical existence of mine…"

Shizuo had spoken so honestly that Tom was not even surprised with his thought:

_- Maybe…Izaya can be good for Shizuo. If Izaya affects him so much, but still accepts him-_

_Maybe Shizuo can be happy with Izaya_

_If…Izaya accepts his feelings._

_Ahhhhh, that's the problem, isn't it? It's Izaya. It's very unlikely he'll accept Shizuo's feelings._

_Ahahaha….maybe Shizuo is really right and everything really is Izaya's fault._

Tom let out a chuckle at this, and Shizuo blinked.

"Tom-san?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this…But I think Izaya will be good for you."

There was a mixture of bemusement and fondness in Tom's smile as he looked at Shizuo.

"I wouldn't say good for me. That shitty flea's not good for anyone. But now that I'm in love with him, it means I can use him, right? Since it's the shitty flea. I can use Izaya to find out more about myself. He confuses me and so he pisses me off, but since I'm apparently in fucking love with that fucking flea…It's time I used him like he always used me."

Shizuo was giving a feral grin, as if Izaya was right in front of him.

"…..Woah, that's a scary love."

Tom grinned, though a bead of sweat made its way down his neck at the sudden ferocity in Shizuo's eyes.

"I'm curious though. Since you discovered you're in love with Izaya, does that mean you never hated him?"

"Nah. I did hate him, I hated him so much…...But rather than hating him only for who he is – I hated more the things he made me do."

Shizuo frowned as if he was trying to sort out his thoughts.

"I hated him for the…what's that word?...Effect? I think that's it."

"It's like, he purposely makes me use the violence I hate. I fucking hated him for that. And then I see him smirking, hopping around like a damn flea, and it's like - someone like that, is definitely a bastard and fits my image of the bastard who makes me do the things I hate."

"So he does such things precisely because he's a bastard and shitty flea and he's not the type to change his ways so he was always a shitty flea to me. Like I said, I didn't know him well. He was always just a shitty flea. Any emotion he showed, is just the emotion of a shitty flea."

Shizuo seemed to be on a rant, but his tone was surprisingly even as if such frustrating thoughts had been in his mind for so long he was used to it.

"And he didn't make any fucking sense. He didn't fear me at all. It was like, this guy who didn't fear me, wanted so badly to piss me off. I didn't understand why. The face he gave at our first meeting just pissed me off. I just didn't like him. And it's not like he did anything to make me think he's anything else but a shitty flea. I don't know. Maybe I was even more pissed off because I'd finally found a person who didn't fear me but was too much of a bastard for me to be close with."

"Thinking like that, really pissed me off. He doesn't fear me but he says I'm a monster? The fuck? People called me a monster because they were afraid of me and Izaya called me a monster but wasn't afraid of me even though I seriously used every fucking ounce of my strength to try to kill him. That just didn't make any fucking sense. So it pissed me off even more."

Shizuo paused a while, as if he was internalizing his own words, as he inhaled, then continued in a slower pace.

"That's why, it's not like I really wanted to kill him, I'd be fine if he just left me in peace and disappears from my sight. Cause if he left me in peace, that means he wouldn't have any effect on me any longer…..Or something like that."

It was a little strange hearing Shizuo talk about Izaya, for Shizuo had never even wanted to mention him before…even if he often did.

But Tom wasn't complaining. Even he had never really understood why Shizuo had hated Izaya so much, but hearing Shizuo finally speaking about it, it was almost enlightening.

"Ah."

Tom said with his newfound enlightenment on Shizuo's view of Izaya.

"I see. So your perception of Izaya's changed now, huh?"

"Eh?"

"The way you see Izaya. Last time you always saw him as a nuisance. But now that he's afraid of you, you can't help but wonder why. And then you start to think about him, and when you think about him, you realize he was the one person you could rely on to not be afraid of you. Am I right?"

"…..Yeah."

Shizuo said after he had thought for a while.

"I'm pissed off he's doing something which pisses me off again, but since he's showing emotion…it must be my fault this time? Then, this finally is that 1%, huh? Because the shitty flea isn't behaving like a shitty flea."

Shizuo was smiling wryly, as if he was glad Izaya wasn't behaving like Izaya, when he had been troubled by it before.

"So I guess…the one I've fallen in love with isn't the shitty flea…it's Izaya."

Shizuo raised his hand to his hair.

"And Izaya is the shitty flea but he's also Izaya. If that even makes sense."

"I think I get what you mean."

Tom explained Shizuo's thoughts to him:

"You've fallen in love with Izaya as the person he is. His…positive traits. His unchanging attitude towards you. It's kind of new to you 'cause you've only seen the bad things about him before since he behaved to make you think that way."

"Sounds kind of weird…but I guess."

Shizuo laughed a little, and gave Tom a genuine smile.

"Ahhhhh…..Tom-san really is smart. Thanks. I'm not that happy about it, but at least I'm not angry 'cause I kind of understand things now. Like I said, without the shitty flea spouting shitty words, things make so much more sense."

"But seriously, is this really love?"

Shizuo thought out loud to himself.

"Maybe it's just acceptance? 'Cause I've never been in love before, so I don't know what it's like."

"…But if it's acceptance I wouldn't be thinking about him so much, wondering, I wouldn't get this warm feeling when I think of someone I can finally love freely…..right?"

"…."

"..…Argh, so confusing! What 1%? Everything is the fucking flea's fault! Annoying, annoying! ANNOYING!"

Tom held up his hands, smiling nervously at the suddenly frustrated man in a bartender suit.

"It's okay. Calm down, Shizuo! It's fine to be confused about your intense feelings for someone. It's perfectly normal! It's human."

"…Human."

Those words seemed to have their desired effect.

"Human, huh?"

Shizuo was smiling now, as if he had never been angry before.

"Love makes someone human?"

"Yeah! Love makes people human. When you can love, care so greatly for someone…it makes you feel more human, doesn't it?"

"No wonder Celty was so happy after she understood her feelings for Shinra!"

Shizuo said in realization. The smile on his lips widened.

"Ahhhh…I understand now. Haha! HAHAHAHA!"

He laughed to himself, grinning as he looked at his hand which had lifted things no human should be able to.

"This sounds weird, especially as it's that shitty flea, but I kind of hope I am in love. Actually, I really hope I am in love since it's that shitty flea, he's always saying I'm a monster so if because I love him I'm more human, it'll piss him off, right?"

Shizuo grinned widely at his own words.

"Ha! I'm looking forward to that."

"Ahahahaha…well, I'm glad you're happy about your feelings for Izaya."

Tom smiled nervously at Shizuo, unsure if he should be glad Shizuo had finally found someone to love or worried that it was Izaya.

"Yeah, I'm happy."

Shizuo gave a terrifying grin, punching his fist into his palm.

"Of the effect my love will have on him."

"He makes me use the violence I hate so much and it pisses me off. But now, it's my chance. 'Cause he's always saying I'm a monster so he can't "love" me. So if this monster is in love with him it'll definitely piss him off."

The grin on Shizuo's lips seemed to widen impossibly, showing the monster's teeth as he thought of his long awaited revenge –

"It's time that flea got a taste of his own shitty medicine."

It was at that moment that Tom's thoughts changed, and he decided he shouldn't worry about Shizuo, if anything, he should be worried for _Izaya_ instead.

_Really, do you love him or hate him, Shizuo?_

Tom thought, but it was with amusement, for he was smiling at seeing Shizuo – Heiwajima Shizuo back to normal.

Even though Shizuo was in love, he hadn't changed. Tom knew Shizuo was at times self-deprecating, but he never changed for anyone. Seeing Shizuo so troubled from his feelings, he'd been a little apprehensive the man would change and put aside the strength which was part of him for the sake of that mystery "woman".

And Tom hadn't liked the notion – sure, being in love was a good thing for Shizuo and all, but wouldn't it mean he was shunning himself for her, so that she wouldn't shun him? Tom hadn't wanted his friend and kouhai to look down on himself even more. Shizuo might be violent, but he genuinely wanted peace, and Tom didn't see why he should have to force and shun himself for his own strength in dealing with love. Had she loved Shizuo back, he wouldn't have to go to such lengths to please her, she would have accepted him because she loved him and Shizuo's strength was a huge part of him.

Of course, there had been the possibility that the mystery "woman" hadn't loved Shizuo back, for he had said the person was afraid of him –but being Shizuo's friend, Tom hadn't really wanted to consider it; Shizuo had seemed so pessimistic, someone had to be the optimistic one and Tom would gladly take on that role.

_So maybe Izaya is 'good' for Shizuo – he can be in love and yet not have to be afraid of hurting the one he loves with his strength. Like Shizuo said, Izaya accepts him._

_Besides, Shizuo looks happy. And that's what's important, isn't it? Ah after seeing him depressed and silent for two weeks, it really is a huge change! Was his grin always that bright?_

As Tom smiled as he watched his kouhai, a voice indicated that half an hour had passed:

"I declare relief at seeing Shizuo-sempai smile again."

The two men turned and looked as their colleague walked towards them. Her lips quirked slightly and her stare was less stoic.

"I regret to say I do not regret eavesdropping, as the past two weeks have introduced the emotion of "worry" to me which I have identified as an unsettling feeling of restless paranoia, and in witnessing the previous scene, this "worry" has faded. Thus I believe I had the right to eavesdrop, sempai."

Shizuo blinked.

"Vorona."

He said. Then he smiled, raising a hand to his hair sheepishly.

"What are you, an assassin? I didn't notice you there at all. Anyway sorry for worrying you, I appreciate the concern, really."

Vorona, whom had stiffened at the word "assassin" which was coincidentally accurate to her true occupation, relaxed when she comprehended Shizuo's joking tone.

"You are welcome, Shizuo-sempai. I have gained the information from an unknown source that bottling one's feelings would only result in negative emotions – thus I would like to request Shizuo-sempai to not do so again in any case in the future."

"She's right."

Tom said once he had gotten over his surprise at Vorona's sudden appearance. He had not noticed her around either. He smiled at Shizuo as Vorona stood beside him.

"We're your friends, aren't we, Shizuo? You can tell us- you should have told us, really. I mean, I was really surprised and even shocked but more than that, I'm glad and relieved we've finally identified the problem. Like Vorona said, we've been worried about you."

"Is that so….?"

Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, an apologetic smile on his lips.

"Sorry for worrying you, Tom-san, Vorona."

"It's alright. After all, you're in love, aren't you? It's something great! Even though it's not a woman, you've always wanted to love someone, haven't you?"

"Yeah…I didn't know I was in love though. With Izaya of all people. I thought I was going crazy."

"I decided half pleasure, half displeasure for Ikebukuro."

Vorona spoke suddenly, and Shizuo and Tom turned to look at her.

"I profess to be lacking experience in romantic love, but I propose the case is the same?"

"Eh?"

"The situation of half, mixed feelings."

Vorona elaborated ambiguously, looking up at Shizuo with sky blue eyes.

"I recall a saying, "Love and hate are two sides of the same coin". Towards Orihara Izaya, confusion was apparent to Shizuo-sempai as Shizuo-sempai has not felt love, and was mixed up in the two similar emotions of hate and love."

"Is that so?"

"It is a possibility."

"I see…..so, what do I do now? I'm not good at dealing with feelings…."

"There are several options. However, to avoid misunderstanding, clarification is necessary."

"Huh?"

"I think she means to confirm what you're feeling for Izaya really is love."

Tom offered helpfully.

"Ah….how do I do that?"

"As I lack experience, I confess any suggested methods are not foolproof. Tanaka-sempai has already brought to you one of the methods, which is your reactions towards the assumed love. That method is clarified, I presume?"

"Well according to Tom-san, my reactions are as if I'm in love."

"Affirmative. Another method would make use of the axiom, "Actions speak louder than words". Execution of actions is required for confirmation."

"….I don't quite understand."

Tom had a half fond, half bemused expression on his face as he watched the kouhai teach her sempai something, as the sempai listened attentively, as if he was a student and she was a teacher.

"Allow me to rephrase, aggression rather than passiveness is required."

"…..So I should confess?"

"The act of confessing needs to be executed, I affirm. Imagination, though it provides apt visualization, differs from reality."

"…..That means what I imagine may not occur?"

"Affirmative."

"But I'm not imagining anything….I just discovered these feelings after all."

"Understandable – however, imagination, though not being accurate, remains necessary. In order to reach a compromise, and should reality not be executed yet, a simulation could occur to provide greater reference."

"Simulation…..means something fake, right? So I should do something fake to see reality…? That doesn't quite make sense."

It was almost comical how Shizuo was able to reply even though he wasn't entirely sure of what Vorona was saying due to her lack of fluency in Japanese.

It was if Shizuo's brain only processed certain words to derive from them conclusions that were ironically accurate.

Perhaps that was why he got so angry at Izaya's words – the words were already bad and he picked out the worst meaning of them.

"Negative. Falseness."

Vorona seemed to pause a while, her eyebrows furrowing as she thought of how to phrase her words.

"Falseness…..should not be conjured to represent reality. Simulation carries the meaning of….act. To perform a situation in order to see a possible outcome."

"Act….like Kasuka does?"

Shizuo seemed to be contemplating to himself.

"You mean…..I should act out the scene of confession?"

Tom, who had been listening in amusement, finally spoke.

"If she's talking about acting, I think she means roleplay."

"Roleplay…..to play a role….affirmative. I propose we do a roleplay to clarify Shizuo-sempai's feelings."

As she processed the meaning of the word to describe what she had wanted to convey, Vorona nodded to Shizuo.

"That may be a good idea. There's one problem though…I don't think either of us can act like Izaya. It's Izaya after all."

Tom said uncomfortably with a wry smile.

"…..Affirmative. I too lack information on Orihara Izaya's behaviour. I apologize thus – Shizuo-sempai will have to rely on imagination in the proposed simulation. Closing one's eyes would help in such an act."

"…Alright. It's kind of weird, but if it'll help I suppose it's worth a try…..it's not like I actually know what to do."

"Although I am unable to represent Orihara Izaya, I shall provide presence to enhance simulation."

With those words, Vorona moved to stand directly in front of Shizuo, her blue eyes emotionless as normal even though she was involving herself in a scene of confession.

"…..Thanks, feel free to step away if I make you uncomfortable in any way."

With an appreciative smile to Vorona, Shizuo closed his eyes, and thought of the person whom had stubbornly stayed in his life for years.

**.**

**.**

**.**

"I like you."

Staring, then laughing and butchering of his name –

"Yeah. I know you hate me. I hated you too. I hated you so much."

Without thinking, Shizuo reached out as if to grab that arm waving a knife at him, his hand coming into contact with smooth skin –

"And I'm still not sure if my feelings are mixed up and if this isn't really hate. But…I like – no, I don't like you. I never liked you, shitty flea. I love you."

"Whether these words are true, whether this feeling is love, the fact that I can say these words…these words I never thought I would be able to say to anyone, gives me a warm feeling in my heart."

"And this feeling…..is almost like love. I don't know what love is like, I've never been in love. But this feeling - that hurts and yet feels so good at the same time – has to be love, right? Like those love stories Kasuka acts in. I hurt myself loving a bastard like you, but at the same time I'm happy to be able to love someone, even if it's you."

That voice, that smooth but annoying voice mocking him, taunting him, but unstable with surprise and shock –

"Yeah you can laugh all you want. No matter how much you laugh, these feelings won't change. This monster is in love with you, so you'll just have to deal with it, eh, fucking flea?"

"Because it's the truth. I love you…..Izaya."

The last sentence came out with a husky kind of roughness. With the natural huskiness of Shizuo's baritone voice – but with the roughness of Shizuo's released feelings – stumbling and shaky, but still there – with that abhorrent name that had occupied his life for years and continuing years – that name of the person whom had been subjected to the roughness and violence of his untamed feelings – with acceptance.

"….Shizuo-sempai."

Shizuo opened his eyes, and blinked at the sight of Vorona and Tom – before he remembered.

"Ahhh…..sorry….I guess I got carried away…"

Realizing he was holding Vorona's arm in an almost painful grip, he quickly released his hold on her, feeling guilty that he had unintentionally hurt his kouhai.

There was only one person whom he could hurt without feeling guilty – without fearing of hurting.

"Sorry Vorona…..are you alright?"

"I am fine."

Vorona said as she brushed off her arm. But Shizuo could see the slight marks his strong fingers had made –

Which made him feel even more guilty.

Though Vorona had lean muscles along her exposed arms, his grip had been so strong he could see bruises forming along her arm.

She suddenly seemed so fragile to him, as if, if he wasn't in control, he could break her arm with a twist of his wrist.

The thought sent a cold dread in his heart – that he could even hurt someone whom had willingly spent time with him.

"This is why…no one should stand in front of me…"

Those words were accidentally released into the air.

"Untrue….Shizuo-sempai means not to injure. In addition, I am well, worse injuries have been sustained and recovered."

Vorona seemed to be telling the truth, there was blank honesty in her eyes, and no trace of pain on her features.

But it didn't change the fact that he had hurt someone without even knowing.

Someone close to him.

"If she says she's fine, then she's fine, Shizuo. Vorona's a strong woman, you know?"

Tom seemed to have sensed Shizuo's troubled thoughts.

"I mean, you didn't break her arm or anything, right?"

_But I could._

Those words which had been meant to be reassuring incited more doubts in Shizuo's mind.

"Affirmative. Minor injuries aside, Shizuo-sempai was very coherent in his words. Although the purpose was for simulation, it more indicated reality. Shizuo-sempai was very honest, and honesty is appreciated in romantic confessions."

"Shizuo-sempai's emotions were very much present in his words. Although I have never been involved in the simulated situation, I…."

Vorona halted, as if contemplating on how to describe the feelings she had felt.

"Felt…..honoured. Perhaps honor is not too accurate a deduction…..but I felt as if Shizuo-sempai was very sincere. Regardless of my feelings towards Shizuo-sempai, I could feel Shizuo-sempai's sincerity."

"I am not Orihara Izaya and thus possess not his mindset and emotions – however, I maintain Shizuo-sempai's honesty – should Orihara Izaya disappoint, it would not be Shizuo-sempai's fault."

"Because Shizuo-sempai has already spoken from his heart."

Vorona's sky blue eyes met Shizuo's brown eyes as she said this, the last word spoken softly –

As if she too desired to feel from her heart –

As if she too desired feelings to speak from her heart.

"Thanks….Vorona."

Shizuo said with a smile at his first kouhai, feeling grateful for her help and honest words –

So unlike the flea.

"Yeah, Shizuo. Even though I wasn't even involved….I could tell you were being very honest with your feelings. And like Vorona said, that's good."

"Since it's Izaya, I doubt everything will go the way you want it to, however, what's important is to retain that honesty…I doubt even Izaya can ignore such sincerity."

Tom spoke as he gave Shizuo a reassuring smile. He moved forward, and gave a light, comradely punch to Shizuo's shoulder.

"You're definitely in love, Shizuo. Congratulations! Now go and get your man."

"Correction, Tanaka-sempai. Orihara Izaya is a noxious insect, thus the correct term would be "your flea"."

"Ah, is that so? Hahaha!"

"My flea….."

Shizuo murmured, a smile spreading across his lips.

"My flea. Yeah, I guess he is my flea. Even though he's such an annoying, shitty flea that should just die, he's an annoying, shitty flea who won't die and so he should be mine."

The words brought a grin onto Shizuo's face.

"Mine. That doesn't sound too bad."

- _I've never really had anything that's mine _

_- Except for this strength_

Feeling this was a new development in his life, Shizuo began:

"Tom-san. Can I…"

"Have the day off? Sure!"

Shizuo looked surprised.

"You need time to think, right?"

Shizuo nodded, and Tom said:

"I know. It's natural. You need to think over these new feelings."

"Yeah. I'll need time…."

"Sure, take your time. Love isn't something to be rushed."

"Thanks, Tom-san."

Shizuo smiled gratefully, feeling fortunate to have such an understanding superior and friend.

"….Shizuo-sempai."

Shizuo turned to look at his kouhai.

"Yeah?"

"I recall Shizuo-sempai relaying information about the 'flea' when I inquired if Orihara Izaya was Shizuo-sempai's sworn enemy. However, after processing this new information, I will revoke my will to exterminate Orihara Izaya."

Vorona said as she looked at Shizuo, her words curt. But she was meeting Shizuo's eyes.

It was then that Shizuo remembered he had told her about Izaya when she asked if Izaya was his sworn enemy, and then said she could eliminate Izaya for him.

He still didn't believe she was really going to exterminate the flea, but he had felt grateful for her words all the same –

Just like now.

Shizuo smiled. He reached his hand forward and patted her hair in appreciation, not noticing the light flush that crossed her cheeks at the gesture.

"Thank you."

.

.

.

_(To be Continued in Part II)_


	4. Zero-Sum Game (Part II)

**Somewhere in Ikebukuro**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_I've been chasing him_

_For years. Years and years and years._

_-Even though I've never held back, even though I've been trying to kill him with every ounce of strength I've got, he's still not dead._

_-Somehow, he always manages to dodge, and get away. _

_-When I unleash violence, everything around me is destroyed…_

_Except him._

These were Shizuo's thoughts as he walked along aimlessly after having been dismissed from work by Tom.

-Maybe I've been thinking of it the wrong way

-Instead of holding back because I don't want to hurt the one I love

_It's so easy for me to lose control_

- What if I don't hold back…

- And I still don't hurt the one I love?

- That would be impossible with anyone…except Izaya.

_-To be able to be myself…and not be afraid of hurting the one I love_

_It kind of sounds like a dream._

In an unconscious action, his hand went to his pocket and pulled out his phone.

Shizuo blinked at his phone as if it had appeared in his hand on its own, before he realized why –

Vorona had advised him to get others' opinions on his feelings.

She had mentioned 'clarification' and 'acquaintances', so that was probably what she meant.

Thus with this thought in mind, Shizuo began to type a message to a person he knew he could trust.

[Hey Kasuka. I think I'm in love with Izaya]

When the message was sent, Shizuo closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket, as he continued walking through the city of Ikebukuro.

There were whispers around him, at the sight of the man in the bartender suit, but Shizuo was not aware of them.

He was more occupied with his own thoughts –

And the feelings raging in his heart.

Wanting, needing to be released.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and his hand moved to pull it out.

It was only when the screen was in front of him with his brother's words that Shizuo tuned in back to reality.

[I didn't know you swung that way, Aniki. However, if you truly do love him, I'm happy for you. You've always wanted someone to love, haven't you?]

[Yeah. But like I told Tom-san, I don't think I swing that way, I think I just love him. I'm still not sure why though.]

As Kasuka seemed to be free since he could reply his message, Shizuo waited patiently for his brother's reply.

[There's no reason for love, Aniki. It just happens. I didn't know Ruri-san that well but I still fell in love with her. Orihara Izaya has been a part of your life for so long, it's not surprising for you to fall for him.]

Shizuo smiled at this. He had met the girl Ruri and he was glad his brother who had difficulty showing his emotions had found someone to love. He would like to meet her again, and thank her for trying to understand his brother.

As he had such thoughts, Shizuo was unaware the girl Ruri was one of the 'robbers' whom had stolen his attaché case in front of him and whom he had sent flying with a park bench along with another unknown figure.

Such was this case where ignorance was bliss for the man in a bartender suit.

Realizing the conversation was not supposed to be about Kasuka's love life – but his, Shizuo deleted the words he had typed so that he would not be distracted.

[I guess. So…what should I do?]

He did not have to wait long for Kasuka's reply.

[Perhaps you could confess. I know you keep your feelings bottled inside because you don't want to trouble others, and it isn't healthy]

Shizuo's heart skipped a beat at that kanji word he could read.

He typed the next message slowly – slower than usual.

[Confess…thinking of it makes me nervous. I mean, it's Izaya. It's the flea. What if he rejects me?]

In a display of nervousness, Shizuo closed his phone but kept it in his hand as he walked along, trying not to think of the scene that made his heart race like the train to Shinjuku on the Yamanote Line.

His phone vibrated in his hand again and his heart jumped as if there had been a dent in the railway.

[I can't say if he will reject you. But I know you should confess to him, because at least there will be a chance. There are not many people who care to know you, there aren't many people who don't fear you, you told me yourself. Are you going to throw away this chance at a relationship?]

As usual, Kasuka shed light on the situation. He always honestly said what needed to be said.

[Relationship….I've never thought of it before. Is that even possible? Me….and Izaya.]

The word relationship was a foreign word to Shizuo. Not because he did not want to have a relationship, but because he believed he could not have a relationship without hurting the person with his strength.

[Why not? You do not want a relationship because you are afraid of hurting the person. But you have never been able to hurt Izaya, have you? Even when you wanted to. What makes you think that will change?]

[Actually, I did hurt him….and so he's afraid of me now.]

The words seemed even more depressing in reality.

[Brother, are we talking about the same person here? Are we talking about Orihara Izaya? It's impossible for him to be afraid of you. It's as impossible as the strength you possess. It's as impossible as it is for me to show emotion if it's not acting. It's as impossible as it is for you to not show strong feelings towards him, whether it's hate or love. I'm sure it's a misunderstanding. If he hasn't been afraid of you for eight years, why would he be afraid of you now?]

[I don't know. But maybe you're right, Kasuka. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. Maybe that damn flea is playing a prank on me, like Tom-san said. Sounds like him.]

Shizuo smiled at these words, for it made sense to him. It was just like the shitty flea.

Maybe Izaya wasn't really afraid of him at all?

[That's right. I really don't think he is afraid of you. No matter how violent you are towards him, he never fears you. So you don't have to worry about that. You don't have to worry about hurting him. Thus I would still advise you to confess. Be honest with your feelings, Aniki.]

[Alright, Kasuka. Thanks for listening to me.]

[You're welcome, Aniki. I have to get back to work now. Best wishes.]

Shizuo smiled and closed his phone, slipping it back into his pocket.

- Maybe, just maybe…

- It's a dream that can come true.

- That can become reality.

_My reality._

A genuine smile was on the man in a bartender suit's face as he walked through the crowd in the city of Ikebukuro.

As if he was as human as everyone around him.

With the emotion he felt in his heart.

**.**

**.**

**.**

**An indeterminable amount of time later, in Ikebukuro**

… …

… …

… …

"Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo almost jolted at the sound of that name –

Before he realized the voice was too feminine to be Izaya's.

He turned, and was met with the sight of Kadota's female companion.

"Karisawa…"

"Shizu-Shizu –"

Karisawa's words were cut off when her mouth dropped open –

"You're smiling!"

"…Is that bad?"

Shizuo asked curiously. Did he look scary when he smiled?

But Karisawa's smile seemed to brighten.

"Of course not! It's just that you don't smile often, that's all. You should smile more! You're such a bishonen when you smile! Although you're also a bishonen when you don't smile – in a cool way!"

"Ah, I see."

It seemed Shizuo's brain had only computed the advice for him to smile more, as he smiled at the girl.

"Sooooo….."

"Yeah?"

Shizuo asked, unaware of the glint in Karisawa's eyes.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I'm happy."

Shizuo replied honestly with that smile on his face.

"And…why are you happy?"

There seemed to be excitement bubbling behind Karisawa's expression.

"Well…it's kind of embarrassing."

Despite his words, Shizuo's smile seemed to widen.

"Oh don't worry! I won't tell anyone, whatever it is!"

At this, Shizuo raised a hand to the back of his neck, warmth rising to his cheeks.

"I'm kind of….."

"Kind of, kind of?"

"In….love…."

"Love?!"

Karisawa seemed to be jumping up and down on the spot. She seemed even happier he was in love than he was.

Strange woman.

"Who?! Girl? Guy? It's a guy right! It's Izayan right!?"

"How did you know?"

Shizuo was genuinely surprised, for he knew the people whom he had told his feelings for Izaya to would never tell anyone else.

"Wah, I knew it! I knew it would come true! You and Iza-Iza are so cute together!"

Karisawa looked like she had just won the lottery. The grin on her face was so wide Shizuo thought it could split her face in half.

"We're not together. I just love him that's all."

"Awww!"

Karisawa's eyes shone.

"You're so honest and straightforward, I knew you were the seme!"

"Seme? Anyway he doesn't love me back, so…"

"Izayan is in the denial stage now."

Karisawa said wisely as if she knew what she was talking about.

"He does love you back, he just doesn't know how to show it."

"Really? How do you know?"

Shizuo said curiously, though he couldn't stop the little shred of hope that had grown in his heart.

Erika just smiled.

"Have you confessed?"

"Actually, no. Even if it's Izaya, I gotta work up the courage. I'm bad at stuff like this. Actually, since it's Izaya, it's even harder for me to confess to that shitty flea."

"Oh don't worry, I'm sure he'll blush and accept your lovely confession! Don't mind if he's a bit tsundere! He's your uke after all!"

"….Uke? What's that?"

"Oh you'll see!"

"Well I don't know if he's my uke, whatever that is. I only know he's my flea. But I do know I love him. And even though it's pretty impossible, I'd like for him to love me back."

Shizuo said the words with hope in his voice.

Hope that made him seem human.

"…Sorry, I got a bit carried away."

Karisawa said, to Shizuo's surprise. She was smiling, not a giddy smile, but a genuine smile.

"If it's real and you really do love him, then he'd be your boyfriend and lover."

"Boyfriend sounds a bit weird, since it's Izaya. But lover, huh? That means we'll be close, right?"

Erika nodded, and Shizuo thought with a smile.

"Having a lover sounds nice."

Erika's smile widened.

"You're so sweet."

"Sweet? I like sweet things, but I'm not sweet. With this strength….."

He clenched his fist, the smile fading away from his face.

"I'm destructive and ugly. I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster, Shizuo."

Erika said in such a serious tone that Shizuo blinked at her.

"Trust me. You're not a monster. Real monsters -"

Her lips curled in a strange way.

"- Enjoy hurting and killing people. They derive enjoyment from people's pain. And because hurting and killing people excites them, they do it again and again…and again."

"You may have that impossible strength, but you don't use it to harm people intentionally, except Izaya."

Shizuo stared as Erika's eyes went from dark to bright.

"Oh but I suppose that's because it's your way of showing your love to him! Then when he gets hurt you'll go all soft and comfort him! Kyaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"…"

Karisawa was weird, but Shizuo felt grateful to her all the same. He had been called a monster so many times by so many people and Izaya he had grown inclined to think he was one himself. He had never thought people other than Celty and Kasuka and Tom would tell him he wasn't a monster.

Kadota sure had picked a weird but kind woman as his friend.

"Thanks…..Not many people believe that. They fear me after all."

Shizuo said. The smile seemed to be back on his face again.

"There's nothing to fear about you. Once someone gets to know you, Shizuo, know you as the person you are, they'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. You have too kind a heart."

"But no problem! You really are so sweet, I knew I picked a brilliant seme for stubborn Izayan!"

Karisawa's eyes seemed to glitter with imaginary stars.

"You're so honest it's cute! Oh if only there was someone dominant enough to be your seme – oh but that would mean you wouldn't be with Izayan, and I can't accept that!"

Shizuo blinked as she seemed passionate for a reason unknown to him.

"I don't care if you two switch! You and Izayan belong together!"

"Karisawa!"

Karisawa's eyes lit up even further and she seemed to be reflecting the sun's light this time.

"Dotachin!"

"Seriously, don't run away just like that, Yumasaki's sulking because you left him – Shizuo?"

"Hey Kadota."

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Nothing much. I was just walking around and she called me."

Shizuo said as he gestured to the girl with a cap.

"Dotachin! I was just talking with Shizu-Shizu about his love for Izayan!"

"Karisawa!"

Kadota took on a reprimanding tone to the widely smiling girl who stood on the street which would have been peaceful had it not been for her words.

"I told you not to say disgusting stuff like that! Sorry Shizuo just ignore her, she's always like this."

"….Disgusting?"

The smile was gone from Shizuo's face.

"Disgusting, huh…..well I suppose I'm a monster so it is disgusting…..for me to love…."

Shizuo's expression had darkened, and it was as if there was an invisible storm above his head.

The people in the less crowded street took one look at the disturbance to the peace –

And fled at the sight of a bartender suit.

"Eh? No I didn't mean that – it's not disgusting for you to love, Shizuo, wait when did I say that?!"

Kadota seemed to be confused and panicking with his own words.

"…You said my love for Izaya is disgusting, didn't you?"

Shizuo glared at Kadota, his eyes flashing behind his sunglasses.

"Eh? Yeah – wait –"

Kadota stared at Shizuo, as if suddenly understanding –

"It's real? Not Karisawa's fantasy? You really love Izaya?"

"Yeah even if it's Izaya I'm in love so I should hope it's real. I hope these feelings are real….they seem real…they're real right?"

"…Argh, whatever, it's real! How can it not be real when I feel so much…?!"

"Of course it's real! How can they not be real, when they make you smile? When knowing you love Izayan, makes you smile?"

"When knowing you can love….makes you happy? Shizuo."

"….How can they not be real, huh? Then I guess they're real….I'm glad."

As if he had never been angry, Shizuo was now smiling again at the feelings in his heart.

"Yeah, being able to love, it makes me happy."

"…..Sorry, Shizuo. I misunderstood. If you really are in love, I'm happy for you. Doesn't matter if it's not a woman. It doesn't even matter that it's Izaya."

As he spoke, Kadota gave his friend a true smile, reaching forward to pat his shoulder encouragingly.

"Then, I guess the next step is to confess, huh?"

"…Ahhhhh…..everyone is talking about confessing…it makes me nervous."

A light flush appeared on Shizuo's cheeks as he said this, and Kadota stared in wonder –

At the sight of Heiwajima Shizuo blushing.

"Wah- so cute! Shizu-chan's blushing! So cute!"

At Karisawa's words, Shizuo sent a glare to the girl, muttering.

"Shut up! And stop using that stupid nickname, it reminds me of the flea."

"Okay! After all only Izayan can call you that, right? That's so cute!"

"I didn't say that!"

A vein was starting to throb in Shizuo's temple.

Knowing Shizuo wouldn't hit women, but not wanting the man in a bartender suit to lose his temper, Kadota interjected quickly.

"Calm down, Shizuo. She's just teasing. Anyway you don't have to confess if you're not ready, but you should, you know? Don't push yourself though, just do it when you feel you're ready."

"Or at that moment! At a nice romantic moment when you have him alone and nake –mph!"

"What she means is that you have to find that right atmosphere, when you feel you can tell your feelings to him without it being too awkward."

"Ah I see."

Kadota removed his hand from Karisawa's mouth.

"Hey Karisawa, can you go back first? I'll catch up later."

"….Hmmm, okay! I know you want your bro-bro touching moment with Shizu-Shizu! Catch you later, Dotachin!"

With those words and a grin, Karisawa turned and practically skipped away.

Kadota sighed, then turned back to Shizuo.

"Shizuo. I don't want to sound discouraging..…but are you sure you're in love? With Izaya?"

Kadota spoke the words slowly and carefully in order to not agitate the man in a bartender suit.

"Yeah. Feelings are confusing, like I told Tom-san. But I told my feelings to people, Tom-san, Vorona, Kasuka, and now Karisawa and you. And they seem to think I'm in love. So I guess I'm in love."

"Besides, they make me feel a way I've never felt before. All I've felt is anger and frustration and sometimes I feel peace. And right now, I feel peace, and something else. I didn't even notice I was smiling until Karisawa pointed it out. So I guess this something else must be happiness. Happiness that I'm capable of love."

As he said this, Shizuo was smiling as he raised his gaze to the sky, as if thanking the heavens for letting a monster like him love.

"And it's probably just wishful thinking, but since I can love, since I found out I can love, and love is the strongest emotion, maybe….just maybe it'll help me control my strength. Maybe love is strong enough to help me control the monster inside me."

"Because if I'm free to love, without being afraid I'll hurt the person, even though it sounds like a dream, that's something I really want. When I think about it, I don't really care if it's Izaya. I don't care it's the flea. I only care that I can't hurt him, and so I can love him freely. To me it's like things make sense, and I feel at peace."

It was unknown whether Shizuo was talking to himself or Kadota, as he sounded distracted but happy.

"I see."

Kadota said, and Shizuo lowered his gaze from the sky.

Kadota was smiling.

"Good thing Karisawa's not here, or I'll never hear the end of it, but I agree with her. You really do love him, Shizuo. You really are in love."

"I never thought I'd see the day. It's quite a shock, to find out you're in love and with Izaya of all people. But it makes you happy, so I'm happy for you."

Kadota said as he met Shizuo's eyes behind his sunglasses. The brown haired man gave a thumbs up.

"I don't like his sneaky ways, but you're a good guy, Shizuo. Good luck with Izaya."

"Thanks, Kadota. Then, I guess I'm going now. See you."

"See you, Shizuo."

Exchanging smiles, the two men turned and parted.

… …

… …

… …

**Several minutes later, in a van parked on Otome Road**

… …

… …

… …

"So? So? He's in love right? He's in love with Izayan right?"

"Yeah."

"I told you! I told you Dotachin! Yumacchi you owe me ten thousand yen!"

"Whaaaaat?! Is that true, Kadota-san?!"

"Yeah. Shizuo loves Izaya."

Kadota said as if he still couldn't believe it himself.

"So it's not just Karisawa's BL fantasies influenced by Otome Road?!"

"Apparently not."

"Yumacchi! Anyway Shizu-Shizu and I weren't on Otome Road – we were in the street near Tokyu Hands! He didn't even notice me when I followed him! And he looked happy so I asked him why and he said he was in love! With Izayan! Kyaaaaaaaa!"

"Wait! The bet was that Shizuo and Izaya are in love, right? Well Shizuo's in love with Izaya but the other side hasn't responded!"

"Oh what are you talking about? Of course Izayan is in love with Shizu-chan!"

"No! It's not proven yet! I need the ten thousand yen to buy my Taiga figurine!"

"Whaat?! Yumacchi! I need your ten thousand yen to buy my BL manga! Fine then I guess I'll have to stalk Shizu-Shizu and find out when he confesses to Izayan! Kyaaaaaa!"

"…..Shizuo in love with Izaya? Seriously? And here I was thinking things couldn't get any crazier….what am I saying, I'm stuck with a crazy Otaku duo. Why the hell is my life like this? Luckily there's Kadota-san."

"So mean, Togusacchi!"

"Please don't stalk Shizuo, Karisawa. Especially if he's confessing to Izaya. You'll die by vending machine."

Kadota said, sighing. He leaned back, looking out the window of the van into the peaceful city with a wry smile.

"Heiwajima Shizuo in love…..with Orihara Izaya…Just what will this city give us next?"

… …

… …

… …

**An hour later, outside Russia Sushi**

… …

… …

… …

"Sushi! Come eat delicious sushi! Russia Sushi! It good! No human meat!"

An abnormally tall black Russian man called out with a smile as he handed out flyers to unsuspecting and daunted passerbys.

As people scattered warily away from him, he noticed a tall blond man with sunglasses.

"Shi-zu-o!"

"Hey Simon."

Shizuo raised his hand with a smile as he strolled along.

"Shi-zu-o look happy. That good. No violence good!"

"Yeah, I'm happy 'cause I'm in love."

"Love? Shi-zu-o find woman?"

"Not woman. Flea."

"Izaya?"

"Yeah."

Simon raised his big hand to his head as he considered this new development with a frown.

But he soon smiled.

"Shi-zu-o look happy, not like in puberty. Shi-zu-o in love – love bring peace! Shi-zuo want peace, yes?"

"Yeah. I want peace."

Shizuo smiled as he looked up into the sky.

"Then this good. Shi-zu-o in love with Izaya mean no violence. No violence means peace. Ikebukuro peaceful!"

"Haha! I doubt that. Since it's the flea and all I'll always get mad. But yeah, I do feel more peaceful."

"No matter. Love will help. Love bring peace. Shi-zu-o confess?"

"Ahhh…not yet. I've never confessed before."

"Worry not. Shi-zu-o honest. Shi-zu-o honest man. Confession no problem!"

"Heh I hope so. Well see you later, Simon."

With a smile and wave, Shizuo continued on his way. Simon smiled after him.

"Take care, Shi-zuo!"

"Yeah."

**Half an hour later**

"Hey Simon. I'm here for the usual ootoro."

"Izaya."

"By the way, I think I saw Shizu-chan around. He was smiling. It was really disturbing. What's he so happy about? The last time I saw him he looked like the whole world was against him and just now he looked like the whole world was on his side. Tch, as if this world would ever accept a monster."

"I wanted to go and disturb him, you know? But I almost forgot, I'm supposed to be afraid of him. Haha. Hahahaha!"

"Maybe Shi-zu-o happy because Shi-zuo in love."

"Love? Love!"

Izaya let out a bark of laughter.

"Don't make me laugh! What, has Karisawa and her partner been around? Are you reading shoujo manga now? Don't worry, I won't judge!"

Izaya smirked as he said this, as if he was imagining the comical scene of the big Russian man surrounded by piles of shoujo manga –

Or the monster in love.

"Thinking of a monster in love, it's so disgusting. He's a monster so he can't love - and who will love a monster anyway? Definitely not me!"

Izaya laughed at his own words as if they were the funniest thing he heard all day.

"I love only humans after all!"

As he said his favourite words, Izaya strolled happily inside the restaurant, as Simon followed him.

"Izaya."

Simon said as the information broker sat down with an amused smirk on his face.

"Yeah?"

Simon paused, then inwardly shook his head.

The words were Shizuo's to tell.

"You pretend to be afraid of Shi-zu-o, no good. It hurt him."

"Haha! Well that's exactly what I want! I want to hurt him, hurt him and hurt him – and kill him."

"But since I can't kill him, it's okay, as long as he just dies already. Seriously, why won't he die?"

Frustration was shaded under Izaya's smirk.

"Anyway, I should reveal it soon, shouldn't I? That it was all an act. Ahhhh….he'll be so, so angry. Just imagining it…I can't wait any longer!"

"Haha…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya laughed aloud, the sound so loud passer-bys peered into the restaurant and whispered amongst themselves about the crazy sounding man.

"Ты никогда не убивал. Ты никогда не пачкал свои руки кровью."

Izaya paused in his laughter and turned to Simon, who had spoken in Russian. The black man had a sombre expression on his shadowed face filled with past regrets.

"Не говори так легко об убийстве, Изая. Не делай из себя такого плохого парня. Не уничтожай сердце того мужчины."

"Я и так уже плохой парень. Но, не важно, Саймон."

Izaya responded back in Russian with a wry smile. He leaned back, stretching his arms leisurely.

"Anyway, where's my ootoro? I'm hungry! I didn't come here to talk about that monster you know! Why does everything come back to him? He's always there somehow, somewhere in my plans, no matter how much I consider all possibilities….."

"It's so annoying."

Izaya's black hair shaded his eyes and only a dry smirk was visible on his face.

"Не заходи слишком далеко, Изая."

Izaya looked up, but Simon was already walking away.

A malevolent smirk crossed the beautiful features of the dangerous man's face.

"Who said I haven't already gone too far?"

.

.

.

_(To be Continued in Part III)_

_._

* * *

"Ты никогда не убивал. Ты никогда не пачкал свои руки кровью."  
-"You have never killed. You have never dirtied your hands with blood."

"Не говори так легко об убийстве, Изая. Не делай из себя такого плохого парня. Не уничтожай сердце того мужчины."  
-"Do not speak about killing so easily, Izaya. Do not make yourself into that bad of a man. Do not destroy that man's heart."

"Я и так уже плохой парень. Но, не важно, Саймон."  
**-**"I am already a bad man. But whatever, Simon."

"Не заходи слишком далеко, Изая."  
-"Do not go too far, Izaya."

.

_(The Russian words have been edited, thank you Midnight for providing the accurate, proper and correct wording for Russian! Haha I used another translator besides google, but it seems it did not work too well either. I'm so sorry for probably butchering your language :/ I may write more conversations in Russian in the future (I think it's kind of cool...besides it being necessary for the situation) so I was wondering if there was any way I could contact you for help? Do you have an account, maybe? :))_


	5. Zero-Sum Game (Part III)

**South Ikebukuro Park, evening**

… …

… …

… …

"Hey Celty…."

Shizuo began as he took a puff on his cigarette. A sense of déjà vu tugged at him as he looked at the beautiful sunset dyed in ruby red.

But this sense of familiarity was nowhere near as important as the issue he wanted to discuss with the Headless Rider, and was thus brushed aside unconsciously.

"Can I ask you something?"

[Eh? Yeah sure, since you called me here. It must be important, right?]

The woman in a rider suit showed these concerned words to the man in a bartender suit.

It was an instance in which the two urban legends were together again, and the people left in the park wisely chose to keep their distance -

The people who had not fled at the sight of a bartender suit.

"Kind of. How do you know you love Shinra?"

[E-Eh?!]

Shizuo blinked as Celty seemed to panic.

"….Sorry."

He looked at Celty in concern.

"Was that too personal? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

[No…I was just surprised…Give me a moment to think about it.]

"Okay."

Shizuo said acceptingly, turning and staring off into the distance.

It didn't take long for a PDA to soon appear in front of his face:

[I know I love Shinra]

The next sentence soon appeared-

[Because he makes me happy. Because he makes me feel]

[In this world, where I was lost without a sense of identity. Where I was alone]

"Celty."

[Shinra accepted me, he accepted me wholeheartedly…]

If Celty had a head, Shizuo could imagine there were tears in her eyes.

[He accepted me for this…monster I am. Shinra is my solace. He's my salvation. He's my saviour. He showed me love. He taught me how to love.]

[When I didn't know my feelings for him, when I rejected them because I was afraid, he waited. He was patient]

The words on the PDA were stiff, in contrast to how Celty's shoulders were trembling slightly-

[And that was when I realized, he really loved me]

"I see."

[…..I don't know when I fell in love with him]

Celty seemed to have calmed down, and if she had a voice, Shizuo could imagine it was stable again, with undercurrents of uncontrollable emotion.

[But I know, in my heart, in the heart Shinra showed me I have, that I love him]

"….Ahhh…"

Shizuo said, and Celty jolted as she saw what looked like tears in his eyes.

"You're making me cry."

[Eh?! What? Why?! Don't cry, Shizuo!]

[Ahhh, what do I do?!]

Celty seemed to be typing to herself, and it made Shizuo laugh.

"Nah."

Shizuo said, raising his gaze and brushing the back of his hand against his eyes.

"I just felt, touched. Hearing you speak about Shinra like that. Hell, it made me raise my opinion of him a little. Usually I think he's just an annoying fly who can't stop speaking nonsense, no offence Celty."

[None taken.]

Celty reassured. She wondered about Shizuo's tendency to label those who annoyed him as insects, with Izaya as the flea and Shinra as a fly. Well, Shinra did seem to have as much energy as a fly, buzzing around her…with sweet words…

Trails of pink smoke leaked from Celty's helmet. Shizuo blinked as they brushed past the smoke from his cigarette.

"Celty?"

[N-Nothing!]

Celty seemed to be embarrassed.

[A-Anyway, what's with the sudden question?]

"Ah." Shizuo realized. He sighed.

"I guess since you told me about your feelings for Shinra, I have to tell you about my own, huh?"

[You…love someone?]

Celty asked carefully, and Shizuo nodded.

[I-It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I mean, love is a confusing emotion, and it's the first time you've fallen in love, right?]

She 'said', concerned for Shizuo's feelings.

[I don't know who the woman is, but you seem troubled. Are you afraid you'll hurt her?]

"It isn't a woman…..Unfortunately."

Shizuo sighed, raising his hand to his hair.

"Ah, there goes my wish to have kids…"

Shizuo said mournfully, as if he was more troubled by not being able to have kids of his own than being in love with a man.

[Not a woman? It's a man?]

Shizuo nodded. Celty hesitated, then typed.

[It's okay…love is love. The gender of the person doesn't matter.]

Celty revealed sincerely. More than anything, she was happy that Shizuo had finally found someone to love, and she voiced these thoughts to him.

[Since it's you, Shizuo, I'm sure you'll treat that man well.]

"Haha."

Shizuo smiled in amusement at the thought of treating the flea well -

"Will I?"

[Of course! You're a good guy, Shizuo.]

"Thanks, Celty."

[I'm only telling the truth, Shizuo. You're a good guy, and anyone would be lucky to have you.]

Shizuo smiled, and had Celty had a face, she would have smiled back. He and Celty shared a moment in peaceful silence.

[So…are you going to tell me who it is?]

"Ah,"

Shizuo said as if he had just remembered.

"It's Izaya."

[….I-IZAYA?!]

Celty almost dropped her PDA.

"Yeah. I love Izaya."

Shizuo said those words as if they were the honest truth, as if he was not saying them for the first time.

[…..Really?]

Celty asked, knowing Shizuo would not talk about something serious like love unless he was serious, but needing to confirm whether it was with the man Shizuo hated with a passion.

"Yeah. I was shocked too. I'm not sure how love feels like, but I think this feeling is love."

"'Cause, I realized, Izaya accepted me like Shinra accepted you. And he makes me feel. He makes me feel so much. When I see the shitty flea I feel anger and frustration but when I don't see him I feel different things. Especially when I think of him being afraid of me. I still get angry when I think about him but when I think about how I love him, how I must be in love with him, how he can make me feel love, I feel much more calm and peaceful. 'Cause I think Simon said, love brings peace?"

Celty, who had been inwardly gagging as she was reminded of how Karisawa said how Shizuo was in love with Izaya had brought up a disgusting scene of Shizuo and Izaya in love in her metaphorical head, calmed down when she heard Shizuo speak about Izaya, feeling a sense of relief as she looked at the honest blond man.

"…..Tsk. Anyway it's totally like that fucking flea. To be out of my world."

[Your world?]

"Yeah. He's a guy who pisses me off, but at the same time when I'm not seeing him, he isn't pissing me off. It was easy before, there was just that pissing me off part but now it's gotten more complicated. People either piss me off or don't, so how can that bastard do both at the same time?!"

Shizuo seemed to be suddenly frustrated at this new realization. But before Celty could communicate to him, he was speaking again:

"But somehow, I'm not pissed off that he's not pissing me off. I'm only annoyed that though he pisses me off, he can also not piss me off. But at the same time, I'm kind of glad."

[Glad?]

"Yeah. Since he can not piss me off that means I can love him normally, right? But he also pisses me off yet he doesn't get hurt, so I can also love him freely. If I don't have to hold back on this – flea who I don't consider a normal human maybe I can even…..learn to control my own power."

Shizuo spoke the last words of the sentence with a sense of wonder and hope, as if the mere notion had his heart beating a little faster.

[Really? Why do you think that, Shizuo?]

Celty questioned, genuinely curious for that was what Shizuo had always wanted – to be able to control his strength so he wouldn't hurt the people around him.

Had she had a voice, it would have shared the hope that was in Shizuo's.

"Why….well, the flea's kind of like an experiment, see? Hm maybe experiment isn't quite it, but how do I say this, I never hold back on that fucking flea. It's instinctual for me not to hold back, so I don't think that's gonna change even if I'm now in love with him."

"But things will also be different now that I love him. If I don't hold back and he doesn't get hurt maybe….maybe I can be close to someone and don't have to worry about them getting hurt. Even if it's just one person, even if it's Izaya. And I think….that feeling….will be the first step to controlling this strength of mine."

Despite this new realization, Shizuo's tone had returned to normal. The wonder was gone and it was as if he was speaking calmly about a hypothetical situation which would be unlikely to happen –

Even though it was likely he wanted more than anything for it to happen.

To attain what he had always desired –

Control over his own strength.

Rather than giving customary replies, Celty seemed to be deeply thinking on whether Shizuo's theory would work.

So she communicated no words to Shizuo.

As if Shizuo knew that, he merely continued –

As if he was speaking to himself when he was speaking to the one in a rider suit with whom he did not need words to feel comfortable with.

"Besides, whether he pisses me off or not I can still love him. He's out of my world so I can just love him. He's just a flea after all so the attention I give him is different."

"And even if he doesn't love me, that's fine. …Well to be honest, I've always wanted to be loved like a normal person, but it's the flea so that's unlikely."

"But I think, the reason why I wanted to be loved is because I wanted someone who's not afraid of me. Like you, Celty, but you're different since we're both the same. We both aren't considered human."

[I see. So you just wanted someone to care?]

Celty asked as she thought back to the time when Shizuo had told her about his past and how he came to be the way he was.

Or rather – how he didn't know how he came to be the way he was.

Heiwajima Shizuo was a mystery even to himself.

"Not exactly. I know you care about me but it's not the same, though I'm grateful to have met you."

As he spoke, Shizuo gave the helmet an appreciative smile.

But the smile was not directed to the empty helmet.

It was directed to his friend, the Headless Rider.

[I am too, Shizuo :).]

Shizuo's smile widened at Celty's words as if he could see the woman without a face smiling.

"Yeah. So anyway I wanted a….human who wasn't afraid of me. Who could accept me. So that she could love me. Well turns out I got that human, even though it's a man. 'Cause even if he's a flea, Izaya isn't indestructible like you and I. He's different from us."

"Different from me."

The murmured words left Shizuo's lips, his eyes half lidded behind his sunglasses.

"And yet, he's not afraid of me, even though he calls me a monster. So he won't love me, but at least I can love him."

A serene smile appeared on Shizuo's face.

"So yeah, I guess I'm just happy to be in love. ….Kind of weird, huh?"

_- Shizuo….._

Though she could not bring herself to accept Karisawa's fantasy, she could bring herself to accept Shizuo's words from his heart.

_- That look on his face….that peaceful smile on this man's face….he really is in love _

_- You say you've always wanted to be loved, but you're content with just being able to love._

_- Deep down in your heart, you've always wanted someone to love, haven't you, Shizuo?_

_- You've always wanted to be as human as the rest of us._

_- Even if it's Izaya, seeing you like this….how can I not accept it? If he accepts you, and if he's the key to you gaining control over your strength…..because you love him._

_- I'm happy for you, Shizuo. You deserve it. You deserve to finally be able to love._

Smiling in her heart she knew existed from her love for a certain eccentric underground doctor, Celty displayed these thoughts to Shizuo:

[Shizuo. If you really are in love….I'm happy for you. You look happy in a way I've never seen you before, as if you've finally found your peace.]

[And maybe you're right, love brings peace. But, I have to be honest with you. Since it's Izaya, your peace may not last long.]

[I understand how you think he's the perfect person for you to love. I even hope you're right and loving him yet not holding back will really help you control your strength like you've always wanted. It does make sense, even if I don't like him and think you could do better. But if you confess to him….he may just destroy your fantasy.]

[You know what kind of guy Izaya is. I'm not telling you not to confess to him, but….just don't get your hopes up too high. Okay, Shizuo?]

"Yeah, I know that. It's the flea after all. That's kind of also why I'm nervous about confessing to him."

Shizuo said, as he leaned his head back and looked at the evening sky.

"But I'm not the kind of guy to passively wait, especially since it's the flea. I've never been passive with him, and I'm not gonna start now, just 'cause I'm in love with him. I'm gonna let him know my feelings, and if he doesn't like that I'm in love with him, that's his own fucking problem, eh?"

As he said such blunt words, a ferocious grin crossed Shizuo's face, wiping away the peaceful smile as if he was imagining Izaya's frustrated reaction to his confession.

"Yeah it's probably gonna piss him off. Ahhh thinking of it makes me feel less nervous. It's just the flea after all. What the hell am I worrying so much for? Hahahaha!"

Shizuo seemed to be laughing at himself in amusement.

"Anyway he probably hasn't received a confession before since he's such a bastard – well there were women following him around back in school worshipping him and all but it was 'cause he manipulated them, so if I confess it'll probably be the first serious confession he's received, and that's gonna shock him bad."

"And since it's from me whom he always calls a monster the shock is gonna be multiplied by 0.00000000678958% times 1000000000000. Which means he'll be really shocked – hopefully enough to give him a literal shock! Hahahaha, wouldn't that be great?!"

Celty just shook her neck with a wryly fond smile in her heart as Shizuo grinned as if he was picturing the flea being literally shocked from his words.

"Maybe if I'm lucky the shock would reach his brain and shut him up from saying any shitty words. It'd save me the trouble of kissing him to shut him up."

Shizuo said triumphantly, oblivious to how Celty had seemed to choke at his words as shadow poured out of where her head should be.

"But I'll probably end up kissing him anyway, since I'm better at actions than words. Kasuka said I'm bad at words and that flea's so good at them and he wields his shitty words like his knives but he can't beat me in actions."

"Thinking of it…..kind of makes me want to run to Shinjuku to confess now. Should I?"

Shizuo seemed to be seriously thinking, but before Celty could flash her PDA in panic, he spoke again -

"Ahhh wait….he's still afraid of me, right? I almost forgot. Wait is he even afraid of me anyway? I bet the shitty flea is pretending like Kasuka said. Tch."

"But this wouldn't be a good time to confess huh…when can I confess then?...Argh I want to hurry up and confess already! Not confessing makes me feel nervous and HOW THE HELL CAN A SHITTY FLEA MAKE ME FEEL NERVOUS?!"

[LOL. Calm down Shizuo.]

Celty couldn't resist from laughing silently as Shizuo tugged at his blond hair in frustration, adjusting his sunglasses as he paced nervously, crushing the cigarette he had tossed onto the ground.

[You're probably the only person who wants to confess as soon as possible instead of delaying it. Which is good, but don't rush it, okay?]

"…Right….no rush, no rush. Take it slow…..I hate taking things slow! If there's something to be done then just do it!"

Shizuo seemed to have a different opinion from Celty as he shook his fist in the air, but he didn't seem about to rush off to Shinjuku either.

[True, true. Time waits for no man. But for something emotional like this, it's better to go at a slower pace. In romance, in love, you've just got to go with the flow.]

"…..Go with the flow, huh? Alright then, I shouldn't rush off to Shinjuku huh….."

[Definitely not, I think it would be too much of a shock for even him. And it may shut him up, but he might not be able to respond properly. Izaya thinks you're already unpredictable, and if you do that, you're gonna shock him even more with your unpredictability….I wouldn't be surprised if he faints.]

"Actually, it'd be good if he faints, then he won't be spouting shitty words and I can hold him close without hearing his annoying voice."

Shizuo smiled as if he was thinking of a silent fainted flea, his posture now relaxed and his shoulders less stiff.

[Right….but anyway now's really not a good time to confess, take some time before you do it, okay? I'm not doubting your feelings for Izaya even if it's Izaya of all people…..I just don't want you to rush into it. Let those feelings stay in your heart for a while until you feel you can release them.]

"….Alright, if you say so Celty. I like these feelings anyway, I'd like to keep them for a while longer before the flea gets involved."

"Not that they're gonna fade away anytime soon but like you said, it's Izaya. He'd probably piss me off and I may just forget I love him."

"And I don't want that. I don't want to forget this feeling I feel in my heart. This emotion called love."

As he spoke, Shizuo raised his hand to clutch at his shirt, as if his strength would help him keep the feeling in his heart.

[Don't worry. I know it's the first time you've been in love so you're worried. But love doesn't work that way, once you realize you love someone, you can't forget you love them even if you wanted to. Trust me, I know.]

"Right. Thanks, Celty, you're a great help. Sorry, it seems I made you listen to me again..."

[It's no problem at all Shizuo. Although it's a shock, I'm glad you told me.]

"Heh. But, you know…"

[Yeah?]

"Do me a favour and don't tell Shinra. I don't want him yapping to Izaya out of excitement or anything….he bugged me a lot about why I hate Izaya in the past and I really don't want him calling me and yapping nonsense into my ear."

"And if Izaya knows because Shinra told him, well, that'll be the worst. The next time I see him the shitiness of his words would shoot up by several levels and I'd be pissed at both him and Shinra. The flea wouldn't be honest 'cause he'd have time to cook up some shitty reaction plan, and I don't want that."

[That's true. Alright I understand, I won't let Shinra know, unless he figures it out by himself.]

"Ha! As if he would ever, the only thing important to him in his life is you. He's too obsessed about you he wouldn't give a shit about my love for Izaya unless you told him or it affected you in some way. So don't worry, if you don't say anything, he probably won't know."

[Well, that's love. And it seems your obsession has become your love as well. I hope it happens with the other side too.]

Shizuo chuckled, but gave Celty a smile as he pushed up his sunglasses and said simply:

"Great minds think alike, huh Celty?"

… …

… …

… …

**Same time, in an apartment in Shinjuku**

**… …**

**… …**

**… …**

Izaya was in a good mood.

Usually she wouldn't notice, but he was whistling annoyingly as he made his detestable presence known.

"You're back."

She said with all the iciness she could muster in her voice.

"I've been feeling cold since I couldn't find the air-con control. Where did you put it?"

Despite the blandness in her voice, the cold had affected her – for she had said the sentence even though it made her sound like a grumpy housewife.

"Cold?"

His amused voice was by her ear and she felt something soft fluttering onto her shoulders.

"Wear this then, Namie."

She turned, for it wasn't like Izaya to give her something, and blinked in genuine surprise.

There, draped over her shoulders, was the jacket with fur trimmed on its edges that was Izaya's trademark.

After a moment of surprise, she shrugged and pulled the jacket so that it settled almost perfectly over her slender shoulders.

She wasn't an ungrateful bastard like the owner of that jacket.

Izaya was in a _very_ good mood.

"You're in a good mood."

She said, raising an eyebrow as Izaya somehow had the air-con controller in his hand and seemed to be increasing the temperature.

"Mmm."

Izaya was smiling as he put the controller down on his desk, and the room started to feel a little less cold.

"I am."

"…Why?"

Izaya glanced at her in amusement as he waited for his laptop to load.

"Because I saw Shizu-chan today and he looked happy."

He leaned back in his chair, smiling as he placed his hands behind his head.

"And that means I can take away something from him. I can take away his happiness."

The almost serene expression on Izaya's face faded away to be replaced with a malicious grin.

"I don't know why he's happy, I don't really care. But I know what to do to make him mad."

Izaya laughed malevolently as he leaned forward, grinning as he imagined the scene in his mind.

"Should I do it tomorrow? Or should I wait for a few more days? Decisions, decisions! Ahhhh I really want to do it as soon as possible, I'm so excited!"

"But at the same time….I want to draw it out. I want to draw out Shizu-chan's happiness for a bit longer…before I shatter it into pieces."

"…No wonder you're in a good mood."

Namie deadpanned as she turned back to her own laptop and continued typing.

Izaya hummed and spun around in his chair, directing his malicious gaze to the darkening sky.

"Shizu-chan's so unpredictable, I thought he would react according to my plans for once and be unsettled by me being afraid of him…..but it seems he hasn't."

"It seems he's happy instead. Well he looked almost depressed before but now he's happy. He must be happy I won't be disturbing his peace anymore."

"Haha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Namie ignored the noise from Izaya – his laughter and the sound of his chair as he bounced on it from excitement and glee.

"I'M HAPPY! I'M SO HAPPY THAT SHIZU-CHAN'S HAPPY!"

"LOVE, SIMON? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! THE MONSTER'S NOT IN LOVE, HE'S IN PEACE! IF ANYTHING, HE'S IN LOVE WITH PEACE! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"You really hate Heiwajima Shizuo, huh?"

Namie said emotionlessly as she continued typing. Izaya did not seem to hear her in his laughter.

"SO THAT'S WHY, THAT'S WHY!"

The noise stopped, and Namie glanced to the side, to see Izaya getting up from his chair and looking outside, as if he stared long enough he could see the monster in the city of Ikebukuro.

A smile curled Izaya's lips, the expression on his face hidden by his pitch black hair.

"That's why…..I'm going to take away his _love_."

...

...

...

The game had changed.

By Orihara Izaya's expectations.

But it was going to change again.

And this time, it would not be because of Izaya's expectations.

For Izaya had made a critical mistake –

He was not informed of the unexpected variable the Monster of Ikebukuro now held in his heart.

This was because he had not even considered it a possibility.

Izaya's mistake was not keeping all possibilities open.

Because Heiwajima Shizuo was unpredictable and trying to predict him was like trying to predict when the world would end.

And how could Izaya predict the one thing he did not have precise knowledge on?

Especially how it would appear in Heiwajima Shizuo's life?

But Izaya was unaware of this.

For he had not even considered that unpredictable emotion a possibility

And thus he basked in his triumph over the monster, as if he was a few moves away from checkmate –

Not knowing that even as he made his moves he had strategized to the utmost, minute detail -

Heiwajima Shizuo was silently planning his own.

But to him, the King was not Orihara Izaya.

That was the Queen. Powerful, sneaky yet lethal.

Izaya was indeed a formidable opponent, the one with the most power on the board, but that was not what Shizuo wanted to conquer, what he needed to conquer –

The Queen was a mere distraction he had to pass to get to the King.

For to Heiwajima Shizuo, the King was not Izaya -

It was Izaya's heart.

.

.

.

_Chapter 2 END_

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Author's Note

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Hi, this is the author and I just want to thank you for coming until this far despite the slow pace of the story. :) Since you're reading this story, you must be interested in the characters, for I write this story slowly and carefully and try my best to make sure everyone is in character.

I've been studying the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). Most of you should know, but for those who don't, it's a personality test derived from theories proposed by famous psychologist Carl Jung and created by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers.

Before the MBTI, I avoided personality tests, practically shunning them. I didn't see what was so accurate – people can't be categorized according to personality because we're all unique.

However, a SnK Ereri writer changed my mind. Her story is gone now because she deleted it, but to me, it was beautiful. The characters were so in character it was like I was reading the actual manga. I could totally imagine it happening in the manga. And there was one chapter, where she spoke about the MBTI and how she was a fan, and told her readers about each of the characters' personality.

I took the test, got a creepily accurate result, and that was how I changed my mind about personality tests. Well, for this one at least. Others like the Big Five or the Type tell me what I mostly already know. However, through the MBTI, I felt more….accepting of myself.

So, it's my turn to put forth my own analysis of characters, using the MBTI, based on these four characteristics:

Extroversion (E) or Introversion (I) – How you interact with the world around you- not the extent of extroversion or introversion but rather, how you obtain your energy. Since all people have to be extroverted to some extent regardless of their natural inclination, introverts lose energy through social interaction and have to spend alone time to recharge. How much energy loss would depend on the degree of introversion.

Sensing (S) or Intuition (N) – How you take in information. People who sense tend to be more tuned in with reality, details and facts. They are more hands-on. People who use intuition tend to be more imaginative of the future and considering of possibilities. They can detect patterns and impressions. People with the S function rely on their senses (what has happened) while people with the N function rely on their imagination (what might happen).

Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) – How you make decisions based on the information obtained from the above; sensing or intuition. Thinkers are more rational, logical and impersonal while Feelers tend to consider people and their emotions. Thinkers follow their minds, Feelers follow their hearts.

Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) – How you deal with the world around you. Judgers are inclined towards firmness and structure while Perceivers are more flexible and adaptable. Judgers generally prefer rules and guidelines because they are decisive and seek closure while Perceivers generally prefer to keep possibilities and their options open in their seeking of freedom.

You're either one or the other, so for example, if you're an Introvert (I) with Sensing (S) and Thinking (T) and Perceiving (P), you would be an ISTP. If you're an Extrovert (E) with intuition (N), Feeling (F) and Judging (J), you would be an ENFJ. Once you know your type, you can check what it entails. To take the test, just google 'MBTI personality test', or something like that. There's also the site 16 personalities, which has quite a clear, broad description of each type. And comments from people of your type which you may be able to relate to. 'Personality Page' works for those who don't mind lengthy essays.

Different people have different opinions about the MBTI. I know some don't really trust or believe it. That's okay, everyone has their own opinion. But for me, I can trust it because it has helped me and my few friends, which not many things have been able to do. And because it's emphasized on an information site that it's not set in stone – as in, most people find their perfect match, but others tend to shift from one type to another. However, if you're honest in the test, the personality type you get is your natural inclination.

To me, reading that, it's not so much as personality, but how someone works. How someone's mind works, how someone's heart feels. And that, is something I can accept.

I'm – not very confident so I won't say what my personality type is here. But you're free to guess, haha. I have one of the personality types of the Durarara! characters, I think that's quite a hint, right? I wouldn't mind PMing you if you do guess (or emailing you if you don't have an account but want to know), and telling you, because that would be more personal. Maybe I might even say it if someone gets it right. It depends. If anyone wants to know. Ahhh I really lack confidence on myself...

Anyway, all the above information is so I can write what's below – namely, the MBTI type of the Durarara! characters! It's so fun to try and figure out what type each character is. And it lets me know more about each character, especially Shizuo and Izaya. These are just my personal opinions:

**(_Warning_: See the scroll bar? It's going to be pretty long…but for those who like character analysis or want to know more about the characters in Durarara! especially Shizuo and Izaya, welcome. For those who don't, it's alright, it's not related to the story. It's optional. I'm just providing my perspective on the characters while relating to the anime and novel. Really, it is very long…)**

…

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...

Izaya is INTJ. Introvert, IntuitioN, Thinking, Judging. INTJ is also known as The Scientist or the Mastermind. They have very intelligent minds and are one of the rarest types. They are excellent strategists, perfectionists, the "Man behind the Curtain". Like how Izaya says in the novel:

"Ahhh…I'll just stay out of the mosquito curtain."

And then later decides,

"It's about time I let them hear some annoying wing noises from outside of the mosquito curtain."

Ahhh, I don't know why, I adore that part, it's so, Izaya.

INTJ are natural leaders, but prefer to control things from the background. Planning and manipulating is their forte. Because INTJs know everything, they get bored easily. INTJ is the most common type for a villain because they see themselves above and more intelligent than everyone else. And so they see fit to control everyone else, to always be in control of the situation. For example Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes is an INTJ. INTJ have trouble dealing with emotions, and their weakness is romantic relationships. That's why Izaya sees himself as asexual. Izaya is a strange INTJ, 11% Introvert yet 100% Thinking (he's my favourite next to Shizuo so I took the test for him to be sure). Which means he barely Feels, or doesn't feel at all. He is as INTJ as an INTJ can be. Introvert (11%), INtuitive (88%), Thinking (100%) Judging (44%).

Shizuo may seem like ISTP – Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving, because he is 'unpredictable' like an ISTP and isn't good at school. But he is actually INTP – Introvert, IntuitioN, Thinking, Perceiving. He's not only a Thinker. He is **the** Thinker. The same type as Einstein. Now this may sound very contrary to the Shizu-chan we know. But this is the reason why Shizuo is so sharp and able to see through Izaya's plans. INTP have the most logically precise mind of all types, even more than INTJ. For those who read the novel, you'll know Shizuo is unusually, surprisingly smart, like when he ran away from the Awakusu-kai instead of fighting them and how he easily figured out Izaya had framed him.

He even recognized Vorona out of her helmet despite never having seen her face and asked if he had met her somewhere before, which Vorona was alarmed by. But he brushed it off with his logic: "Never mind, it's probably just my brain making stuff up...you looked like you were hitting it off with Akane, and after all Simon introduced you so there's no way you can be a bad person." The way he said, 'just my brain making stuff up' makes it seem like his brain often makes stuff up he doesn't know comes from where but is curious about all the same. It's like he's used to random but ironically accurate ideas flooding into his mind from his brain. Which means he's smarter than he himself knows.

So he does have logic, Narita wrote something like 'his common sense very different from a normal human' or something like that at that scene where he was thinking how he couldn't kill Izaya on top of Sunshine 60 (after he climbed to the skydeck to escape from the Awakusu-kai) because it would trouble people.

Shizuo is also self-deprecating like an INTP, through little things like truly not knowing he's handsome (when Tom discussed with him about him lacking a girlfriend), and not believing he's worth people's trouble as seen by the incident where he stood on the rooftop of Sunshine 60. And bigger things like hating himself, not wanting anyone to love a monster like him. He wants to be loved, he's the one who wants to be loved the most – as can be seen from an interview of Shizuo's VA Daisuke Ono-

.

_- Does that mean he actually wants to be loved more than anyone else?  
_  
ONO: Yes, that's what I think, since nobody actually approaches him. Well, hard to blame them when he beats you to a plump if you try...(laughs). In fact, I feel like he might actually be the most human among the entire cast.

.

-But he won't let anyone love him, or let himself love anyone because he's afraid of hurting them – _(OnoD: He really wanted to constrain his power, but eventually it turned out that he couldn't. As a result, he becomes trapped in the conviction that nobody would ever love him.)_he cares about them more than he does for himself. I would say this is because he doesn't understand himself, and INTP seek to understand themselves more than anything else. Shizuo even says to Celty -

* * *

**...**

"Really...why on earth did I turn out like this, then?"

Shizuo smiled in a self-torturous way. Looking into the imaginary abyss before his eyes, he raised the question in a lonesome voice.

"Why did I turn out like this? At least it wasn't my family. There was no childhood trauma I can think of. I never watched any violent anime or read violent manga. Didn't watch movies either. So that leaves only myself, doesn't it? It's gotta be me, right?"

"I wanna grow strong..."

He said this in a tone that evoked sympathy, but was nevertheless powerful.

"If I'm the reason, I would never forgive myself of all people. I don't care how good I might be at fighting. I just want to be able to control my own power."

**...**

-_Taken from Durarara! Novel Vol 2, Shizuo's past and conversation with Celty (portrayed in Episode 5)_

* * *

"I guess it's okay to recognize my own existence now."

_-Shizuo before his fight with Saika's children at South Ikebukuro Park (Episode 16)_

* * *

To put it simply, Shizuo is a logical person who hates himself because his existence is illogical. Because of that, to me, he's a more complicated character than Izaya. Whether it was intentional or not, Narita created a character with the most logical personality type (INTP) and gave him an illogical existence. That's why Shizuo is a contradicting person himself – down to his name Heiwajima Shizuo (Quiet Man on a Peaceful Island) in contrast to his violent nature.

Sorry I just adore Shizuo, it's like I can take him apart, randomly mix up the scattered pieces and put them back together in the most random way and he'd still be as complex as he was before I dissected him – I don't know how to explain it and there'd still be parts of his character I still don't know even though I would have examined the scattered pieces. Ok now I sound like Shinra. But the thought behind his character is just genius. I'm guessing Narita has N in his personality (not just his name, ok lame joke I know). He has to have intuition in order to create such complex characters because it requires imagination. Probably an introvert too. He could be an INFJ….or maybe he's an INTP like Shizuo. Or perhaps INTJ like Izaya.

Anyway Shizuo is a more complicated character than he seems. He's completely honest yet people still can't figure him out. I find it harder to understand Shizuo than Izaya – Izaya lies all the time so it's kind of obvious when he isn't lying. Shizuo is honest, but it's like you have to understand how his brain works before you can understand him – and then understand how his brain works relates to the thoughts produced in his mind. And if you understand his brain wrongly your understanding of his mind will be wrong too.

Hm Shizuo is kind of like the 'perfect guy' isn't he? Shizu-chan's strong and tall and manly and handsome – the ideal guy. And then he's also honest, kind at heart, loyal, protective over those he cares about, and then now he's smart. Apparently. Perfect Guy indeed. Like in shojo manga where the guy is perfect and the girl is either ordinary or second to the guy and doesn't really match up to him or 'deserve' him. Does this mean Izaya is Shizuo's Heroine? Lol.

Oh but Izaya is complicated too of course. The way his mind works and just the way he talks, really. He's not that much of an introvert (11%) despite gaining energy from introversion yet his intuition (88%) is almost as high as his Thinking (100%) Which is why Shizuo and Izaya together is so interesting, isn't it? They're both complicated individuals. And their personalities don't match well at all.

Yet despite being INTJ and INTP, they are the key to each other's understanding of themselves. Because they defy each other's logic: For Shizuo, Izaya is not afraid of him like everyone else even though he never held back on him and he doesn't understand why and for Izaya, Shizuo is the only person he can't control and make use of and can't predict. But because they are an exception to each other, they can try to understand themselves through each other. Shizuo can try to understand himself when he sees Izaya isn't afraid of him and think about his own reactions and Izaya can for once look at himself and be honest about why he's so annoyed by being unable to control Shizuo – bias and 'monster' aside, perhaps he has indeed finally found an intellectual equal?

The basis of Shizaya is as it says - 'Shi'zuo; I find Shizaya consists more of a relationship and development than Izuo (which is mostly sex and rather dark) since it's Shizuo who truly wants a relationship, to love and be loved. It's Shizuo who pays Izaya the attention he wants, until Izaya lets go and shows his true emotions. And that's when we see Izaya.

And this is why I greatly support them together. In fact, I could go as far as to say it's a waste if they don't get together, even if it's just as cordial acquaintances or friends. They're a more unique pair than they seem. Despite being of conflicting personalities, they can help each other discover about themselves what they wouldn't have discovered with any other person or alone otherwise – and isn't that the crux of any good, lasting relationship?

Of course this can't be done if Shizuo is considered as merely the brute he seems to be because he's deeper than that. A lot of people don't consider Shizuo to actually have intelligence, whether they're Shizaya writers or not (yes this included me in the past….) and so it's hard to find a realistic Shizaya. Ah well, I enjoy the cute ones anyway. Whether they're IC or OOC, there's something about Shizuo and Izaya that makes me smile. :)

Back to the point - INTP have one of the greatest intellectual potential (maybe even more than INTJ, sorry Izaya) but they're abnormal, and they have low confidence, unlike INTJ. But when there's something they're interested in, they will be able to create something life-changing. Einstein, Newton _(lol I'm in a lecture and Physics lecturer just said Newton almost 'clobbered Robert Hooke to death' because he disagreed with his F = -kx theory)_ and Charles Darwin who created the Theory of Evolution are all INTP.

Shizuo is INTP, right down to the way he can tell when someone is lying but can't lie since INTP are honest and straightforward, and even his bartender suit, INTP don't care about clothing much. Shizuo is also temperamental, which is a trait of INTP – I guess it's because INTP want to understand themselves but often times they get confused in their own complex mind? Personality Page says,

**(They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways.)**

Shizuo's personality is also why Izaya pisses him off so much – he doesn't understand Izaya, and so he's very rigid when he decides he hates him and nothing and no one can change his mind when he gets an idea (no matter how illogical it seems to other people because they don't understand his logic), except himself.

And Izaya knows this – that Shizuo is more intelligent than he seems – subconsciously. Subconsciously he knows Shizuo is intelligent but doesn't want to acknowledge since he is biased against the 'monster' –

* * *

...

"...Really...why so sharp, when you've got such a protozoic brain?"

It was a smile resting somewhere between unsettled and pleased.

"That - is why I hate you so much, Shizu-chan."

...

_-Taken from Durarara! Volume 2 snippet (when Shizuo came to confront Izaya about the Slasher incident, episode 16)_

* * *

That's possibly why Izaya said in the interview in both the anime and manga –

* * *

...

"I don't even wanna talk about him...for me, it's enough to just have to know about him."

"But please, let me do my job...?"

"The only reason I want to know his information is that he is a pain to deal with. But that is enough to piss the heck out of me..."

...

_-From the snippet of Izaya's interview in the novel (Episode 15)_

* * *

Why would Izaya need to have information on Shizuo if he wasn't a threat?

If Izaya's mind is a chessboard, Shizuo's brain is like a clockwork, constantly churning out new ideas. His mind is always working, even when he seems peaceful and calm. His mind is actually very logical.

Shizuo's Thinking is 88%. He also doesn't deal with emotion well, he can't really recognize them. But unlike Izaya, he can be very passionate in romantic relationships, when he does find his one. He would be straightforward, but sincere. And he would be loyal.

INTJ and INTP either conflict greatly because they don't understand each other's logic, or fit together well because they have someone intelligent like them to discuss their theories with. Because of their intelligence and weird behaviour, they're both outcasts. I guess this is why Shizaya fascinates so many people so much – it's two of the smartest personalities together. They're smart in their own way. Even just seeing them interact is interesting. They're not each other's best match, but they challenge each other in not only physical, but mental. According to Narita -

.

"When I first designed this character, I was like "It would be kinda boring if he's just the know-it-all and unbeatable type. Why not I also make him a natural enemy of sorts" and that's how Shizuo came into being."

-_Narita Ryohgo's Interview for Durarara! Vol 1_

.

I think Simon hit the bullseye in the anime when he said –

* * *

"Simon, I told you I truly love people."

"Don't try to trick me with that logic. In reality, you just don't want to lose to Shizuo, right? You just have a Shizuo complex don't you?"

*Izaya laughs with an almost defeated look in his eyes*

"You don't realize just how much those around you can tell what you're thinking."

"...Simon, you seem like a totally different person when you speak Russian."

_-Durarara! Episode 24_

* * *

I'll end analysis on INTP (Shizuo) and INTJ (Izaya) with these creepily accurate descriptions -

_._

Finally, the dominant Ti function means that the INTP takes his interests and beliefs very seriously. Honesty and directness when explaining these interests are usually displayed. INTPs detest facades and particularly dislike people who exhibit them. Equally, those kind of people also dislike INTPs and avoid them at all cost, for they know that the INTP will see right through them.

.

Lol. Sounds familiar?

.

The INTP can fit into many different modes of behaviour, even contradictory ones, in order to get into the mindset of the other person. The goal is to gain enough intuitive data to analyse and assess the person. In doing this, the INTP remains somewhat reserved, never wholly identifying himself with his surroundings. As chameleons, INTPs are therefore approachable and open, unless the Ne tells the INTP that the other person is a type he doesn't like, in which case the reserved attitude may become too obvious.

_._

Too obvious indeed, Shizuo.

.

For the INTP, emotions are seen as something mysterious and as uncontrollable as they are unalterable. Hence, the root of the fear of emotions is the fear that they cannot be controlled. Hence, when an INTP does finally respond emotionally to something, his emotions are indeed left uncontrolled, raw and open. However, when witnessing the emotional response of another person, the INTP intensely resists any similar emotion of his own. An example of this is when watching a 'weepy' cinema film in which some heart-wrenching scene is being shown. The INTP despises the attempt by the filmmaker to influence his emotions and is more likely to sneer than cry. This response has nothing to do with arrogance, however. Rather it is the INTP defensively avoiding exposing what he knows to be his weak point. Where an INTP may experience his own emotional response during a film is when he has had the chance to consider consequences of a element of the film. Hence, emotional response to media input usually occurs with a certain independence of will, which could appear enigmatic to others.

.

No wonder Shizuo is so up and down with emotion.

.

In reality, the INTP is not actually even certain himself whether he really stands by what he is saying, but his Ne strongly suggests that there must be a **core of truth **there. The purpose then of his outspoken style of argument is to sharpen his own intuitive understanding by testing the reaction of the listener, and indeed to examine the logic of his own arguments in real time while speaking them out. On occasion, INTPs may seem brash and tactless, but for themselves it is part of their way of getting closer to the truth.  
The INTJ, on the other hand, with Ni dominant and Te as secondary, tends to avoid letting uncertain speculative ideas out in the open: he presents a more considered structured viewpoint to the world while holding his private thoughts free for intuitive reasoning.

The INTJ resembles a chess player, ruminating on the possibilites and then making decisive accurate moves. If the INTP played life as chess, he would keep wishing to modify the allowed-move-properties of his various pieces to optimise his strategy, find that that isn't allowed, and ask to start the game afresh! The ENTP chess player would indeed modify the rules to his advantage and complain that the standard rules were inadequate!

.

And that's why this chapter is called Zero-Sum Game. Shizuo can move in any way he likes in real life. Chess is a Zero-Sum Game.

So, moving on to the ENTP -

Who is none other than Karisawa Erika, the Shizaya fan. Extrovert, IntuitioN, Thinking, Perceiving. ENTP may seem lackadaisical and blur and maybe even dumb, but they're actually very clever. They are the type that can see the connections between things the fastest, and their mind jumps from one idea to another so when they talk, most people can't grasp their ideas as quickly. Like INTJ, they get bored easily and have to find things to do. ENTP love to argue, whether they believe in what they're arguing or not, they see it as entertainment. They argue for the sake of arguing, not for the sake of emotional fulfilment. There's an ENTP saying, "It's not personal. You're just having a retarded emotional reaction."

That's why Erika's attitude can drastically change – she can be flamboyant and fun loving, but she can be very serious and merciless such as the scene where she tells Kida of the similarity between imagination and reality and that the incident with the Yellow Scarves and Blue Squares 'didn't happen'. It's an idea she truly believes in –

* * *

"For us, the world of fiction is a playground that is just as important as reality."

"Fiction and reality are equally valuable, so it's not like we hate reality."

_While talking to Masaomi who snapped -_

"You already are angry, aren't you? Besides, Yumacchi got angry before you did. So you're even. Just like how you're angry about what happened to your girlfriend, some people are angry that others say the Slasher is colluding with the Dollars. If you don't think we're all even based on that, then you shouldn't have brought up the topic."

*Pause in which she drinks tea*

"It's true that we have some debts to pay. If you who ran away – unlike Dotachin, who saved Saki-chan, want to bring up the past again, we're going to dispel that past from this world by saying that it was a product of our imaginations."

_-Durarara! Episode 20_

* * *

Erika is being sarcastic and calm and serious and dismissive at the same time. As an ENTP, she has no emotional attachment to the argument she's making – she merely considers Masaomi's emotional reaction superfluous and unnecessary. Masaomi is also a Thinker, thus he understood and forced himself to calm down.

* * *

"Reality is such a pain. Those of us who were fed up with that kind of reality decided to remake it. We'd set up a wall, separate what's important to us from what was trash, put only the things we loved on our side, and got rid of the rest."

"It wasn't that bad once we started! We found that we could make a world completely of moe, tsundere and boys' love!"

*Cue BL manga of two guys who look like Shizuo and Izaya, but with red and blue hair*

_-Durarara! Episode 20_

* * *

So, who knows? Shizaya – Shizuo and Izaya together or having romantic feelings towards each other might be real, according to ex-assassin (?) Karisawa Erika. She probably considers it her reality.

-Moving on. I should cut down on the words huh.

Erika's partner Yumasaki Walker is an INTJ – I think. Same as Izaya. He's definitely an introvert for while Karisawa can randomly go up to people like Anri and make friends with them, he was shown to be depressed without Karisawa. I'm not sure because I don't know him well. But the reason why I think he's an INTJ is 'cause of his mysterious air – and because when Kadota (the leader) was hospitalized, he finally took charge to get revenge. He's also always smiling, it's almost like a smiling mask, instead of a curtain (in the case of Izaya) he seems to hide behind a mask. And because he gets along well with Erika – INTJ and ENTP are good friends it seems. Maybe even the preferred pair in romance. Yes Izaya would match up well with the girl who ships him with Shizuo (who's only one letter away from him)….lol. The irony.  
_(Something else potentially interesting would be that Oscar Wilde is apparently an ENFP - one of Izaya's (INTJ's) natural partners, the other is ENTP (Erika). Though Oscar Wilde can also be an ENTP, it's debatable whether he was a Feeler or Thinker; because he was very satirical and known for his satire...yet he was arrested for being gay and said, "For a year after that was done to me I wept every day at the same hour and for the same space of time." - but that could be because he was overwhelmed with emotions at cruel everyday public scorn and humiliation...even as a Thinker. Shows how cruel society was that time. But no wonder Izaya's official favourite quote is Oscar Wilde's, "It's absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." Shizuo's official favourite quote is "Peace" - Peace in his own complex mind?)_

Kadota is ESTJ. Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. He's a Thinker 'cause he can confront Kida on his running away from his past without sympathy, and he's harsh towards Izaya. He's quiet and is exasperated with the Otaku duo, but he's able to communicate well with people, I'm guessing he's an extrovert because he gets his energy from being around people. ESTJ are dedicated and responsible and are great leaders because they can see what is acceptable and what is not. They're also known as model citizens. Well, Kadota does seem fixed on keeping order and he disapproves of Izaya's actions greatly, even going so far as to call him out on it back in Raijin High and making Izaya describe him as the Light Boss (See Shizuo's Gaiden on the Bloody White Day back in Raijin). And he took on Chikage's challenge as if he was responsible for the Dollars.

Vorona is ISTJ. Introvert. Sensing. Thinking. Judging. She's a stickler to the rules and is cold and mostly emotionless. ISTJ are very direct – the truth is more important. They give harsh judgement – for example, Levi from Shingeki no Kyojin is an ISTJ. They can't really comprehend emotions, and can keep a cool head in heated situations. ISTJ think they're always right because of their confidence (for example Vorona's confidence in her information she's gathered since childhood, come to think of it she and Izaya are similar in that way no wonder they're both interested in Shizuo?). This is also probably why Vorona is unusually shocked by Shizuo's strength, which makes no sense to her.

They don't have many people close to them, but for the ones who are, ISTJ will be extremely loyal and trustworthy. I'm guessing it's what Shizuo is to Vorona – there's a part in the wiki which describes how Izaya says their relationship is like between Kadota and Erika and Yumasaki; he saved them from darkness just like how Shizuo 'saved' Vorona. And how Vorona can't be 'excited' by anyone other than Shizuo – Shizuo is her only worthiest opponent, and maybe something else for her? Well I think it's mostly excitement from battling, referring to the kind of 'excitement' she felt when she thought she could kill The Black Motorbike. Interestingly, ISTJ is the worst match for INTJ; maybe that's why Izaya and Vorona conflicted and Izaya was exceptionally annoyed. Vorona has 100% Thinking, like Izaya. Assuming I knew her well enough…

Namie is also ISTJ. However, her Thinking is 88%. I'm guessing she doesn't care to understand Izaya because of his INTJ personality. He's like the ultimate rule breaker who causes chaos and Namie sticks to society's rules (excluding her love for Seiji) but more importantly, wants order (she was the chief of Yagiri Pharmaceuticals) and stability. Although Namie defies tradition and rules by loving her brother, she loves him deeply, showing her loyal side. She also thinks she's always right, "I'm not like other humans. My love is the greatest." – and won't let anyone tell her otherwise. Which is why she doesn't react really emotionally to Izaya's taunts. And why she says such blunt things to him and insults him all the time and doesn't really care about his feelings or reaction.

Tom is INFJ – Introvert, Intuition, Feeling, Judging. He's definitely a Feeler because he can sympathize with someone abnormal like Shizuo. He might seem like an extrovert with his easy communication, but he isn't bothered by being alone (when Shizuo leaves to chase Izaya at the time when Vorona wasn't there) and he isn't bothered by Shizuo's quiet nature either. INFJ are drawn to helping those in need, like Tom to Shizuo, and take care of others' feelings well. They have both idealism and decisiveness. INFJ have a kind of intuition of others' feelings even they themselves can't understand. That's why Tom understands Shizuo's feelings so well, thus Shizuo doesn't get pissed off by him. However, INFJ can't handle conflict well, maybe that's why Tom always tries to calm Shizuo down. And why he runs away from Shizuo's fights with Izaya, though he'll stay if it's a debtor Shizuo is releasing his anger on. Despite this, they have strong opinions and will fight for something they truly believe in. As an INFJ, Tom is part of the rarest personality type (less than 1% of the population).

As for Celty and Shinra, they're INFP and ISFP. INFP see the good in everyone and sometimes feel dejected because of all the negative things happening. So they try to create something good. Like how Celty sees the good in Shizuo and appreciates him for who he is unlike others. Mikado is probably also an INFP, he sees good in a horrible person like Izaya and is always saying he isn't so bad. And he created the Dollars for good, though it turned bad.

As for Boss!Kado, because of the situation, Mikado is probably leaning towards his J side so he seems more INFJ – idealistic yet decisive and wanting to get rid of everything bad for he believes the world would be a better place without those bad people. Yes, I believe Tom has that side too – or he wouldn't be as judgmental towards Izaya when he's fair towards people like Shizuo. And he wouldn't be a debt collector. And he would have been more sympathetic to the Killer Monster and the Killing Machine whom Shizuo sent flying -

* * *

...

"You need to be more careful, bartender suits are more dangerous than red lights in this town...though that warning came too late for you anyway."

The male turned around after he had finished talking to the man who might or might not have been conscious.

"All right, he kind of overdid it. Guess I owe you an apology so I won't call the police. Don't hate me for this. Also, if you enjoy being alive, you'd better not hate that guy in the bartender suit either."

From the corner of his eye he looked back at the zombie-faced figure whose eyes only had their whites showing, and ended up saying these words while waving goodbye:

"Um, how should I put this...well...this is how this city's like. Enjoy yourselves the best you can."

"Welcome to Ikebukuro, my two grand-looking and utterly luckless guests."

...

_-From Durarara! novel Volume 4 Prologue_

* * *

Shinra is an ISFP. Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving. Surprisingly, he's not a Thinker like Shizuo and Izaya. He's a special kind of Feeler. ISFP live completely in the present, and are the ultimate free souls, they create their own rules because they see rules like those of society as self-limiting. This would also explain why Izaya is envious of Shinra – he can feel yet he's free. ISFP love to experiment and come up with new ideas. Yet as an ISFP, Shinra can connect well with others - even people like Shizuo (INTP) and Izaya (INTJ). He can sense a change in others' emotional state, like Celty when he can't even see her face.

But because Shinra is 'goal-driven, and shapes (his) internal principles and rules around those goals', he feels no guilt at all when he hides Celty's head to keep her with him. And that's why he becomes 'ego-centric' and 'conniving' – such bad traits don't matter to him as long as he reaches his goal.

…

…

…

Right I think that's mostly all. I'd talk about Kida and Anri but it'll be even longer than it is. Along with them, people like Shiki, Akabayashi, Saki, Simon, Akane, Aoba, Mika and Seiji and Chikage I'll leave the guesswork to you :)

Of course just because a character is one personality doesn't mean that's all there is to them. Shizuo may be an INTP but he's not just an INTP – he's still who he is, Heiwajima Shizuo – conflicting yet endearing. Izaya is like the model INTJ to the extent of being the man behind the curtain but he's still Orihara Izaya. A unique character on his own.

Yet, knowing the personality type helps us understand more about the characters, don't you think? Through understanding their minds and hearts.

But I think this is one of the reasons why Durarara! is such an interesting and unique show and novel. It's a story about introverts, and how they do more than extroverts. Majority of people in Durarara! are introverts. Narita always describes Ikebukuro in the novel as 'a peaceful city' even though it's not peaceful at all. My guess is he's trying to say it's peaceful as long as the introverts stay introverts and don't take action. Shizuo, Izaya, Mikado, Anri, Celty, Vorona, Namie, Shinra are all introverts. They get their energy from introversion. Haha. And there's no perfect pair, which usually consists of an Extrovert and Introvert, except maybe Erika and Yumasaki and Mika and Seiji.

But they're not the relationships which shine in the show. A natural relationship would be one between an Extrovert and Introvert, every Introvert has their perfect Extrovert partner to balance them out. But Durarara! is not about perfect, natural relationships and perfect love. And that's why Durarara! canon pairings are so interesting – we get to see how different types of introverts deal with each other in a romantic relationship. And because they're both introverts, it's sometimes hard for them to deal with each other despite how much they love each other.

And that's when the relationships become twisted. Narita wrote in the novel that Durarara! is a story about twisted relationships. I'm not sure if he was including Shizuo and Izaya – but it's interesting that he didn't say 'twisted love' (he only says it at the end of volume 13, the last volume, but that's another story), so I would assume it to be so.

And Shizuo and Izaya, being the strongest, feared men of Ikebukuro yet also the smartest but loneliest introverts (INTP and INTJ) ; would be undeniably fitting in the context of Durarara! relationships – romantic or not. That's why they're so believable as a couple despite not being canon. They have the most twisted relationship in the entire Durarara! universe.


End file.
